Hello Cosima,
Welcome to the Forums. I had the opportunity to live in Germany for six months in the 1980's, and traveled about Europe while there with my children. It is truly a beautiful country! We enjoyed the history, lovely architecture and the castles! People were a lot smaller than, and we had to keep ducking our heads through the doorway in some castles. I actually learned to drink alt beer when dining out there because the water was upsetting my system. I carried a small book with me to assist in speaking the native tongue and we had many laughs as meine deutsch is sehr schlect!!
I am Julia and I recognized in what you wrote here, some familiar 'signs along the path' that have served you by leading you, like it did me to this place of where you are in this moment. Everything you are experiencing is 'normal' or rather perfect.
Sometimes I could kick myself for my former stupidity. I let others rule my life and always thought they knew better than I with desastrous effects, as I am now forced to realise.
Wish me good luck, all of you, to find the right way for myself, please!
Nothing is 'stupid' when it brings the desired results, in this case, clarity. All your experiences serve you by bringing you to an understanding of 'seeing' things for what they are. You are changing the foundation of your beliefs. It's a sifting and sorting of information gathered. You are putting things into perspective.
In kicking yourself, somewhere (parents, teachers, friends, etc.) you may have been taught to be your own harsh task master. As in picking up where 'they' left off. This is a learned response and not who we really are in our true being. Our true being is love and I myself had to realize this and stop 'beating myself up' if you will. It's hard to hear the still small voice when the whole world is screaming at you to 'tell' you what to do. It turns your attention to your head and not being able to listen to this inner voice which comes from listening to your heart. Have you ever 'heard' this voice and not listened to it? What happened? Yes, I understand.
The people, places, circumstances and things that have happened to you along the way was, and is your Higher Self leading you by the hand and walking within you through the menu of life saying, "Is this what you want Cosima?, (No.) Is this it?" (Mmm..not quite, getting closer). Until you 'find' just what you had in mind and that 'feeling' of "YES!!This is it!! This is what I want!!" And you 'know' it when you 'see' and feel it. You are home free!!!
And, funny enough when you observe the path of where you have walked to be where you are now, it all makes 'sense' doesn't it? You do not 'need' to be wished luck to find the right way for yourself, you never have needed luck to find your truth because you have always carried it within you, you through these various distractions just forgot, not lost what you are. They are lessons to show us how to recognize a real pearl from a false pearl. You like I, just misread the signs along the road pointing to 'out there' or over here, its 'right' here, inside. You are already finding it, in fact that is what you have been doing all along.
It's just a matter of turning the picture around like holding a gem up to the light and turning it around and around and seeing it from all sides to appreciate its beauty and worth. It's in
how you view your life so far, seeing from the opened eyes (I am) of love (I am all these things I am seeking, I am enough right here, I am complete right now) I have everything right now to sustain me or from Ego eyes (looking everywhere else but straight ahead) of: in comparison such as, good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough, when I get this house, job, plastic surgery, partner, fill in the blanks.
We are clearly given everything we need in this very moment. How do I know?
I can breathe only one breath at a time. That's it. Truth applies to all. It doesn't change from one thing to another in its foundational meaning. This is as true for me as it is for you. I cannot take your breath to have mine now can I?
I ask you to consider this.
Furthermore, I'd like Adrian to answer me a question:
How do you know all this about reality and reality creating?
You asked a question and found a 'place' to 'ask' it out loud. Your answer has been answered. You found Adrian and this forum didn't you?
This is to show you that you are already creating what you are asking, your reality. Adrian and we who are here for one another are here to support you in realizing your True and Highest Potential. This forum is based on Truth which is what Adrian testifies to his purpose for creating it and 'real' truth is based on love not in what we can get from one another but what we can give. You will notice that this is the truth here.
Your True Source of wellbeing and abundance knows what you need before you ask, where is the asking coming from? That voice within. Your answering yourself comes in the perfect 'time' - space- sequential order and when we are in connection with our True Source, trusting (already knowing) that all is well then everything 'falls' into place in the perfect order for your highest good. We can then just relax and enjoy the journey and go about doing our Source purpose. You are properly nourished and the
satisfaction you feel says it all. You do not have to keep looking for it.
What helped me as I look back from where I have come, was to realize that in order to receive my rightful inheritance, ownership of my life, I first had to let go of the false deed of slavery I had been fooled into believing that I had given away. I had to allow the house of cards to crumble if you will, built on the shifting sands of being who 'others' thought I was or 'should' be.
Yes! Rising from sleep, loud noises can set one on edge!! But once the dust and the smoke and garbage was cleared, I could breathe life for the first time since I could remember and one breath led to another to another until in this moment I realize I didn't die from what I thought I was 'the losing of my existence'. I am free from the illusion. I am in rightful ownership of my home. I found out that I couldn't patch up a broken house. I had to scrap all my former ideas (lies) and return to my beginning place of building on solid ground (Truth).
For example I'd like to contact my guardian angel - is there one?
Because, whenever I try to visualize him, I see a big man in a long white robe, looking at me in a stern way. He always seems to be disapproving of me, not supporting and loving as I wish him to be.
He never laughs, he seems like a strikt parent, there is no loving connection.
Is this pure imagination, or maybe does this phenomenon stems from my unconscious mind, since I tend to disapprove of myself and the actions and decisions of my life so far?
What can I do to find out the truth?
Cosima, have you ever drawn an image of this 'Guardian Angel'? I would like to share an idea with you that I use with myself and am doing with children right now. Will you allow yourself to 'play a game with yourself'?
Find a place to be alone, a quiet place (where no one can see you or comment) and bringing with you a large sheet of paper and pencil, close your eyes and draw the image you see without opening your eyes. Just allow the pencil to follow what you are imagining. When you 'feel' like you are finished, then open your eyes and look at what you have drawn. From there, you may 'feel' like adding a line here, a curve there, or see a face, animal or object. It sounds a little simple or silly to some but I have been amazed at what 'shows' up on the blank page. It is quite revealing. Color it in if you choose. What I have noticed from doing this is the synchronicities that 'pop up' after the process. This is where a journal is very helpful. I separate the information by using a red pencil to ask questions, a blue pencil to write answers and a yellow highlighter to emphasize something that really jumps out at me.
You do have a Guardian Angel. Love is who you are. You are always being perfectly guarded, guided, and protected, you just have to realize it. Anything that sends you a message in judgment, criticism, shame is not from Source which is Love. It is false beliefs surfacing when the illusion is being shaken if you will. Its a sign that you are asking the 'right' questions which will lead you to the 'right' answer. They are just false seeds that were planted and are now being exposed. When a seed is without life giving energy it is hollow on the inside, it looks solid from the outside. Real seed or 'good' seed when placed into a glass of water will sink to the bottom. False or hollow seeds rise to the top. It's like that.
It's a good sign if you will. Relax and trust that you are in the best of care.
You find the truth by asking for it. Faith is knowing (believing without a doubt) that your answer is on its way. When or how long before you know? You will have your answer
when you decide you are ready to receive it not a moment 'too soon' not a moment 'too late'. It is my holding back that makes it 'seem' that it isn't here yet.
In closing, one of my messages that rose to the surface when the house was falling in on me was in how I viewed my 'tormentors' if you will. I will use what Jesus said, "Father, forgive them for they do not understand (know) what they are doing." They are the blind leading the blind and have not seen the answer to their own torment. How could they in their blindness do any different. You are blessed because you were willing to jump off and see for yourself what was behind all these things. You are the Light of Healing for these tormented souls because you were not willing to accept what they in their misunderstanding of what Love is thought were the methods of protecting you from the very thing that saves you. Yourself. They have yet to become their true selves. Compassion is the balm in our healing our wounds.
I wish you well,
Juia
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