Still learning, not there just yet.

[guitar101]

So for the past two days I have come down with a very irritating cold, I haven't been able to sleep and it has clouded my head in many ways but I believe it's a good thing I came down with it right now because it has given me plenty of time to contemplate some important things that have been on my mind, particularly one thing that has bothered me since it entered my life. About a year ago I met a person at my work, from the very moment I saw her and spoke with her I knew what I felt about her and knew how she felt about me too, that is that we are both very attracted to each other physically and mentally and that it would benefit us both greatly if we admitted it to each other. But that never happened, everytime I saw her, and she saw me, we always avoided our feelings to each other and talked about things which weren't really important to each other, but I always felt happy and wanted in her presence and that made me feel good, there has been no other person on this planet that has made me feel that way about myself other than her, and she always smiled so beautifully for me. For some reason I still don't understand, and I think not understanding this is what's holding me back most in my life and I will understand it soon, I betrayed my true self by never making the effort I so desperately wanted to do, and knew that I had to do it because she was waiting for me too, even when I kept telling myself the consequences of what my actions, or rather inaction's would be, I always told myself that I would get another chance to tell her how I felt, even though I knew she knew how I felt and just wanted to hear me say it. Well that never happened, I quit the job I had and I haven't seen her for 5 months. I still think about her all the time and I feel very happy when I do, but at the same time I feel sad because I betrayed myself, but not only because I betrayed myself but because it was the biggest possible betrayal I could ever submit myself to, I know it was the worst choice I have ever made in my life and I knew it at the time I made it and still did it and I must learn from it. I am posting this for self-medicinal purposes because I feel better already by speaking my true feelings(both in mind and body). But at the same time I am also looking for some opinions on how I must get over this. I know that I am the only person who can help myself, but your opinions will help me and any stories or experience you may have had will help me to enlighten myself, so thanks for reading this

[Leila]

I am amazed at this "strength" to "resist" Love! 

I could not do that, because I would die. Could not think about anything else but my Love. 

Do you want to "get over this", or you want her?

If you want her, what stops you to go find her and tell her that you love her?

If you want to get over this, focus on your Self, ask for guidance, strength, discover why you act like this by deeply looking inside (maybe unworthiness feelings?), open yourself to divine help and accept your Highest Good, and pay attention to synchronicities. Maybe there is another better "she" for you.

But, best of the best you can do, is fall in love with yourself!

"When you fall in love with yourself, being alone will be ecstasy".

Thus, you will not suffer anymore from "human Love" for the rest of your life, will not be attached, but will feel free and happy, and besides, being such in the core of your heart, it will reflect in your "outside reality".

For "instructions" as how to do that, read Julia's posts, as she always shows us how to cleanse the deep darkness of our subconsciousness, heal our wounds and let true Love in, the Unconditional Love of the Spirit.

You can do that only by "working on yourself" - no one else can do it for you. Reading is not enough, it takes 'practice', talking to yourself.

It will come a day when you will feel in love with yourself, and will know that nobody can "hurt" you anymore, and that you do not depend on anybody, for your happiness and well-being spring from within.

The pains you will feel will be slighter and slighter, until you will start enjoying them, as will know that with any "pain" you heal, you will be closer to your true Self and happier.

In "Relationships and Spirituality" thread, there is a post of mine, an article about "Healing the emotional body". That is very useful. It speaks about opening the wounds with Truth, healing them with forgiveness, and then practicing Love.

I am telling you these from my own experience. I am in the middle of this process, and already feeling good and very in love with myself, as much as I do this:

"When no one is looking and I want to kiss God, I just lift my own hand to my mouth"
~hafiz

But I guess you can do both things: go after her, and finding the divine Love within. What do you have to lose?

Good luck, and much Love to you and All, 

Leila

[mcdwg11]

You know where she is at, how to reach her, go and talk to her. Don't lose precious time, hey how about creative visualization, imagine getting your car keys, feel happy as you drive to meet her, feel excitement and joy as you walk out of your car and into the building to see her and talk to her, hear her voice, imagine the conversation. Now take action and do it. 

Hope everything works out for you. 

Ruben

[juliainkc]

I love the responses here Livia and Ruben truly!


guitar101, you said you made your choice and now you must live with it. I don't see anything in what you so heartfully shared that says you cannot make another choice.

Write her a letter and pour out your heart to her in it and then do a cermonial releasing by trusting " this or something Higher'. What I mean is send it if you feel this is what you are led to do or offer it up to Life.

If you feel something moving you to connect with her by calling or going to see her, trust it. How often do we get these 'Intuits' and then argue with them because they are 'different; from the norm as in not acting on them (fear of ... rejection, etc ...), we end up doing nothing and then we live with the pain until we decide to change it.

Your turmoil to me, reminds me of when I have experienced turmoil in making decisions. The turmoil ends when I act on what I know. You know what to do. You are a Powerful, Progressive and Evolving Being. It is the moment to walk in your Power.

'Faith is getting up the 8th time, after falling seven.'

Change your decision. Scary? yes, until you do it. I am not sure who said this but I'll share it;

'A man can lose nothing if he has himself.' Do this for you. Support you and you will be supportive to your Life including a relationship with this woman in whatever way it unfolds. Right now, how will you ever know?

I see this as a wonderful opportunity to Live what you shared with us in the other post. Be True to Yourself in this and Face Your Fear. False Evidence Appearing Real ~ Fear is illusion... Love is Real because Love is Life Energy. You are Alive.

I'd like to hear back on how you decided to Actively Live by Changing your Mind from head (reasons not to) to Heart. Living Your Life Energy which Life is Love Energy. Dance my friend ...

Love to you and All here,

Julia

[guitar101]

Thank you all very much for the good insight, I really do appreciate it as this subject means alot to me. I read in a book once that the hardest things to do in ones life are the things which we truly want to do, when I read this the first time around I thought how true that statement was, now I realize it doesn't have to be that way, it can be my way. My feelings are just too strong for me to deny them anymore and I'm really trying to evolve my mind to let go of all thoughts of despair and confusion and just let it be, there are so many things I love in this world and I make it hard for myself to see this all the time. Right now I really need to spend some time alone with myself and start meditating again, and I really need to think about my current path and if it's my honest one. I'm feeling so much better right now and am loving the blue skies and fall colours I see outside right now. I'm thinking I am going to write that letter Julia because I like that idea very much, I will see how I feel after I do this. Thank you all very much, your all loving souls.

[juliainkc]

Hi guitar101 and All ~ 

You are warmly welcomed and it will be interesting to see how you feel after writing the letter.

I've been sharing alot on the power to change ones mind and I came across a brief article today while reading something completely unrelated that expresses wonderfully how the Power of changing ones mind can shift the quality of changing ones way of experiencing life.

While it's not directly related to some of the things being shared here in the forums as in sharing with our friend SaintSoldier, the underlying idea is still InPowering irregardless of the diversity of experiences being shared.

Our 'proof' comes from experiencing something for ourself that allows us to regain a deeper sense of our self. Who can deny ones personal testimony? One whom has yet to have the experience for themself.

Peace comes from flowing inbetween the external and internal worlds ~

InJoy All ~


CHANGING YOUR MIND

One evening while having dinner at the Malibu home of TV producer Suzanne de Passe, I began complaining about something I had agreed to do but that I no longer thought was the best decision for me. In the name of "keeping my word," though, I felt I had to trudge through it. Suzanne looked at me and said something that honestly no one had ever told me: "Girl, you know you have the right to change your mind."
I went silent. As the words reverberated through me, I slowly said the phrase to myself over and over, trying to embrace what it would feel like to actually accept that principle as part of my conscious living. While the idea sunk in, I repeated it aloud to Suzanne: "I have the right to change my mind." She said, "Who else would? It’s your mind."

Before then, I hadn’t thought of changing my mind as even possible. What about honor, commitment, staying the course? I had always believed that going back on a promise was something only careless, flaky people did. Yet as strict as I had always been about keeping my word, I often gave it irresponsibly. Trying to be the nice girl, I agreed to do things I later regretted. And because I was saying yes when I really meant no, I’d end up cheating both myself and the other person involved. It’s an irrefutable law of the universe: You always get exactly what you intend -- and my intention was to be seen by others as the dependable one, even if that came at a high expense to me personally.

What I know for sure is that you have the right to choose what is best for yourself now -- not four years ago or even yesterday. And changing your mind does not mean acting irresponsibly; it’s just the opposite. When you honor what you know your spirit is telling you to do, you are making the most conscientious decision, one for which you are willing to accept all the consequences. You understand that when you know better, you ought to do better -- and doing better sometimes means changing your mind; and you realize that letting go of what others think you should do is the only way to reach your full potential.

-- Oprah Winfrey

[Kadensnga]

Hi guitar101 and All ~  

You are warmly welcomed and it will be interesting to see how you feel after writing the letter.

I've been sharing alot on the power to change ones mind and I came across a brief article today while reading something completely unrelated that expresses wonderfully how the Power of changing ones mind can shift the quality of changing ones way of experiencing life.

While it's not directly related to some of the things being shared here in the forums as in sharing with our friend SaintSoldier, the underlying idea is still InPowering irregardless of the diversity of experiences being shared.

Our 'proof' comes from experiencing something for ourself that allows us to regain a deeper sense of our self. Who can deny ones personal testimony? One whom has yet to have the experience for themself.

Peace comes from flowing inbetween the external and internal worlds ~

InJoy All ~


CHANGING YOUR MIND

One evening while having dinner at the Malibu home of TV producer Suzanne de Passe, I began complaining about something I had agreed to do but that I no longer thought was the best decision for me. In the name of "keeping my word," though, I felt I had to trudge through it. Suzanne looked at me and said something that honestly no one had ever told me: "Girl, you know you have the right to change your mind."
I went silent. As the words reverberated through me, I slowly said the phrase to myself over and over, trying to embrace what it would feel like to actually accept that principle as part of my conscious living. While the idea sunk in, I repeated it aloud to Suzanne: "I have the right to change my mind." She said, "Who else would? It’s your mind."

Before then, I hadn’t thought of changing my mind as even possible. What about honor, commitment, staying the course? I had always believed that going back on a promise was something only careless, flaky people did. Yet as strict as I had always been about keeping my word, I often gave it irresponsibly. Trying to be the nice girl, I agreed to do things I later regretted. And because I was saying yes when I really meant no, I’d end up cheating both myself and the other person involved. It’s an irrefutable law of the universe: You always get exactly what you intend -- and my intention was to be seen by others as the dependable one, even if that came at a high expense to me personally.

What I know for sure is that you have the right to choose what is best for yourself now -- not four years ago or even yesterday. And changing your mind does not mean acting irresponsibly; it’s just the opposite. When you honor what you know your spirit is telling you to do, you are making the most conscientious decision, one for which you are willing to accept all the consequences. You understand that when you know better, you ought to do better -- and doing better sometimes means changing your mind; and you realize that letting go of what others think you should do is the only way to reach your full potential.

-- Oprah Winfrey

This may be the most amazing thing I have ever read in 2009!

I see two very powerful things here:

1: The power of intention ei; reaping exactly what you sow... wow...you cant fool mother nature. The vibrational intent behind everything you do is what you reap... You cannot escape the core rule of thumb... but you CAN be Inpowered by it...with all thy getting get understanding...understand the basic fundamental rule of the universe... the catalyst of all others... the power of intention. OH MY GOD that's amazing. Hallelujah!

Namaste Julia for that one! Many spiritual brownie points and kudo's from johns alter ego the k~meister.

2:The power of Choice! Oh my God... at it's deepest level we can understand it's even our God given right to "Change our Mind"? That's mind blowing. Can we even dare be THAT free?

Are you saying we don't have to feel "Obligated"? Freedom from obligatory energy?

Ding. Ding. Ding. BELLS going off here...!!

Wow...100 more brownie points! Love it.

This is power....the power of choice.

When we master authenticity... and our intentions behind giving our word are as noble as the feeling of obligation to keeping it... We get in return karmic blessings that are harmonic and wanted...

YESS! I love this post! Im gonna print it out and sleep with it next to my face and cuddle up with it!

Does this sound eccentric? So am I! What a coincidence. The synchronicity is astounding!

I love this post.

Freedom From Obligatory Energy in all Forms.

The answer is to expend energy only where there is JOY!!!

Guitar101, if you are a person who raises anothers energy...they will feel good around you, and we like to feel good. Become harmonic with her "happy place". Continue to look upon her with love and adoration...this feeds life to the reciever.

Namaste,

Kadensnga saying "it's 11:34 pm, so now Im 'John'"...kadensnga will return at 7am to watch cartoons.

Ps. Guitar 101...

Playing the guitar to her might not hurt either.

[guitar101]

So I finally wrote that letter and low and behold when I was writing I realized that I wasn't writing it to her but rather to myself, so I will never be giving her that letter, its for me to see and not her. Now I have sent her an e-mail to see if she wants to get together to talk, and I will tell her my feelings to her face to face. I no longer want to fake my own reality by never pursuing the truth, and that is all I seek, I want to see if she feels the same way about me as I do about her and I will ask her myself. By writing that letter I answered alot of questions I had about my actions and what I did, I realized that I was afraid of rejection from her, I wanted an unearned love and didn't want to accept the possibility that perhaps she wasn't interested in me. Now I'm not afraid anymore I only want the truth and I don't want to force anything on her, if she doesn't feel the same way I do then that is the reality I must accept and I will be much happier for learning whatever truth might be in this situation. I need the closure for myself I don't want to forever be thinking what might have been without ever learning whether or not it was ever possible. I will always love her and if she doesn't love me then I will be fine with that and it will allow me to move on and pursue others, and if she loves me then I will be just as happy for myself for pursuing the truth in reality. So I'd like to thank you for your help with your suggestions, even though it was really only me that helped myself. I see what I want in life and that is to be honest with my feelings and my actions, I live my life for myself and no one else and I don't want anyone ever to live their life for me at the expense of themselves, love is mutual respect for each other, loving each other because we love seeing each other achieve our own happiness in whatever way we do it without ever giving your will or mind to another.

[juliainkc]

This is such a beautifully shared and uplifting expression guitar101.

Thank you for your 'feedback'. Very deeply appreciated.

That you recognized you were writing to yourself. The order of how this unfolded here is very noteworthy and interesting because as you continue to write here, I sense your confidence and Power increasing.

Blessings for you in whatever way this unfolds that leads you and all involved to the Highest Outcome,

Julia