Relationships and Spirituality

[juliainkc]

Hello All,

Warning, reading this may be hazardous to your well-being. If you like simple, short and sweet, then proceed at your own risk, the Creative Energy Source of this expression cannot be held liable for the side affects which may include: impatience, discomfort, shifting in one's seat, inability to focus, hmph! expressions and so on ...

Sign on this ones open door and desk ~ Enter at Your Own Risk ~

In retrospection of  today's flowing on consideration of all others, and allowing all to be where they are in this moment ~ increasing in our ability to be more understanding of ones of diverse persona's, which increases our ability to understand how to Love Unconditionally, ones of different personas, I share what is flowing through me to offer to the Universe ~

I in total awareness, signed up for this Course or curriculum like you if you are reading this, or I would not be writing this right now, nor you reading it if you so choose to do.

The curriculum we chose cannot be changed ... however,  I can change the class in the Curriculm I am taking as in ~ 'Life on Planet Earth, Experiencing Infinite Being as Life in a Physically Limited Form'. The classes in the Course I am taking can be changed from trigonometry to say, a Creative Writing Course ~ something like this ~ I am still in the Course, just changing the course within the Course ... kind of idea ~

Now, I have those around me whom love Trig unlike yours truly yet, does our relationship have to 'be over' because we are now not in all the same classes? While we may be taking different classes in the same 'College' or Kindergarden as our Beloved Adrian defines it? Not at all. I speak for myself in how I relate to my diverse and Beloved Friends. My 'Soul Pod' friends are jsut more interested in pulling back the covers on the same picture we are looking at from a different angle. All angles lead to seeing the 'same' view eventually. How is that Julia?

All will have one word in their Unique View in Unison ~ WOW ~ when vibing on the same grade level or Maturity Level.

Can we say this all together now? WOW ~ and each expression only adds to the Love Song, increasing the Sound ~

There are those whom receive their 'increase' from elderly men or elderly women. And then there are those whom receive their increase from All genders, not an obstacle.

Check yourself. Are you for whatever reasons founded on past experience by being glued to your past life experience 'defining you' as this is how, what and the way I am and that is that.

In other words, are you really as open as you profess to be? Then the Wisdom which I speak of, and will share as a definitin here, is not judgment by you, it is the reliquishment of your 'personal identity's'  judgment handed over or given to the Holy Spirit, whom has the ability to see all that has been,  past, Present and to come, in fairness for and to all.

Can you receive what we may define correction from a man? a woman? How about just being open to Wisdom in whatever shape or form you have summoned it?

I say this in Love ~ because if we would take a moment to really know our Self then what we say, do, think and believe would shift our beliefs.

I have truly found Peace in being willing to surrender as I have shared in the Relationships post. I surrender to that which is a by product of my limited view and judgment to allowing the Infinite to judge through me and this is the One Judgment of All ~

That the Child of God is not guilty. Never has been. Never will be. Otherwise we have 'warring' going on in our Souls.

Peace is the evidence, the True Witness of whom is doing the leading in our life.

Namaste` All, I will use these thoughts in my blog ~

And that is All Folks for now,

Loves Peace flowing through me ~ 

Sharing Loves Abundance as IT is shared with me,

Julia

P.S. Hugs and Love John, thank you for being and expressing you, Interesting, verrry interesting. Truly.

[Talker]

What a busy and joyous day this has been. This even in the face of being outclassed, outspoken, and in the so doing, lovingly surpassing that one, currently known as "Talker'.

The voicing, 
                the sharing,
                               the bared souls,
                                                     the flow of Souls expressions.
Ah how sweet it is.

To you, all, I say,
Namaste

Be Well

[juliainkc]

Hi Soul Pod Wonder,

OH!! Pardon ... oops!

Hi Beloved Talker,

the Divine Presence in Me, blesses and honors the Divine Presence in You ~

Thank you for your Presence at my ~ me ~ mySelf ~ and I ~ Tea Party ~

How's the finger sandwiches?

You know well Beloved Wize Oneder ~

Love flowing ~

Julia

[juliainkc]

This is from Melody Beattie's 'The Language of Letting Go'.

I thought it was worth reading and taking to Heart.

Many Blessings and Be Well All,

Love and Peace,

Julia



The Waiver

Before you can jump out of the airplane, before you can fly solo in an airplane, before you can go on the whitewater rafting trip, before you can make a bungee jump, you have to sign a waiver.

The waiver is a document that says you realize the dangers in what you're about to do, that you and you alone have made the decision to participate in the activity, and that you and you alone are responsible for the outcome.

You sign away your right to sue, whine, complain--to do anything except risk your life for a new experience.

You sign the waiver to protect others from being liable in case of an accident.  I think waivers are a good reminder that ultimately no one is responsible for my life but me.  There is no one to blame, no one to sue, no one to ask for a refund.  I make my own decisions and I live with the result of those choices each day.

So do you.

It's your life.  Sign a waiver saying that you take responsibility for it.  Set yourself and others free.

* * * * *

Read the following waiver carefully.  Fill in the blanks, and be aware of what you're signing.  Take responsibility for what you do.

Waiver

I understand that during the course of my life I will be required to make many decisions, such as where I want to live, whom I want to live with, where I work, how much fun I have, and how I spend my money and time, including how much time I spend waiting for things to get better and people to change, and whom I choose to love.

I understand that many events that occur will be out of my hands and that there are inherent dangers and risks in all decisions I make.  Life and people have no obligation whatsoever to live up to my expectations; I have no obligation to live up to the expectations of anybody else.  Life is a high-risk sport, and I may become injured along the way.

I agree that all the decisions I make are mine and mine alone, including how I choose to handle the events that are beyond my control.  I hereby forfeit my right to recourse as a victim, including my rights to blame, complain, and whine or hold someone else responsible for the path I choose to take.  I am responsible for my participation--or lack of it--in life.  And I take complete responsibility for the outcomes and consequences of all decisions I make, understanding that ultimately it is my choice whether I become happy, joyous, and free or stay miserable and trapped.

Although people may voluntarily nurture and love me, I and I alone am responsible for taking care of and loving myself.

Signed:  Julia
Date:  11-4-09

 

[Talker]

The Waiver

I understand that during the course of my life I will be required to make many decisions, such as where I want to live, whom I want to live with, where I work, how much fun I have, and how I spend my money and time, including how much time I spend waiting for things to get better and people to change, and whom I choose to love.

I understand that many events that occur will be out of my hands and that there are inherent dangers and risks in all decisions I make.  Life and people have no obligation whatsoever to live up to my expectations; I have no obligation to live up to the expectations of anybody else.  Life is a high-risk sport, and I may become injured along the way.

I agree that all the decisions I make are mine and mine alone, including how I choose to handle the events that are beyond my control.  I hereby forfeit my right to recourse as a victim, including my rights to blame, complain, and whine or hold someone else responsible for the path I choose to take.  I am responsible for my participation--or lack of it--in life.  And I take complete responsibility for the outcomes and consequences of all decisions I make, understanding that ultimately it is my choice whether I become happy, joyous, and free or stay miserable and trapped.

Although people may voluntarily nurture and love me, I and I alone am responsible for taking care of and loving myself.

Signed:  Talker_________

Date:  __11 - 04 - 2009__

[juliainkc]

I like your ways Talker!!

I went back and modified.

Thank you for being the pebble in the center of the pond.

Many Blessings and Be Well,

Julia

[Kadensnga]

The Waiver

I understand that during the course of my life I will be required to make many decisions, such as where I want to live, whom I want to live with, where I work, how much fun I have, and how I spend my money and time, including how much time I spend waiting for things to get better and people to change, and whom I choose to love.

I understand that many events that occur will be out of my hands and that there are inherent dangers and risks in all decisions I make.  Life and people have no obligation whatsoever to live up to my expectations; I have no obligation to live up to the expectations of anybody else.  Life is a high-risk sport, and I may become injured along the way.

I agree that all the decisions I make are mine and mine alone, including how I choose to handle the events that are beyond my control.  I hereby forfeit my right to recourse as a victim, including my rights to blame, complain, and whine or hold someone else responsible for the path I choose to take.  I am responsible for my participation--or lack of it--in life.  And I take complete responsibility for the outcomes and consequences of all decisions I make, understanding that ultimately it is my choice whether I become happy, joyous, and free or stay miserable and trapped.

Although people may voluntarily nurture and love me, I and I alone am responsible for taking care of and loving myself.

Signed:  John ~aka~ kadensnga_________

Date:  __11 - 04 - 2009__

[juliainkc]

Well, I guess it's obvious what music I was listening to yesterday!

A longer read shared from Soulful Living yet I dedicate this to those whom are still struggling with Authenticity, Your own.
The reason for sharing this is to allow ones to see that this is a commonly shared experience we all have together at some point and to say that you really do know and if you are feeling still not knowing, Know that you will break through. Not knowing is the place of being emptied of the small self to allow the Authentic Self to be seen and known.
May this uplift you and InPower you today. Sustanance for your Soul today.
Remember, You are not alone.
Love and Blessings,
Julia 


Recovering Our Authentic Selves
 
by Meredith Young-Sowers


"You already are authentic; the challenge is to feel that you are." The room was quiet. Fifty men and women sat in front of me, waiting for the much-anticipated beginning of the year-long training in Intuitive Perception and Energy Diagnosis at the Stillpoint School of Advanced Energy Healing which I founded and direct.

As I looked around the room, I thought of conversations I’d had with many of the students. Among them were men and women who were healers, accountants, physicians, nurses, therapists, social workers, carpenters, artists, interior decorators, investment bankers, and moms and dads. What we shared was a yearning to heal our lives. My students came to School to learn how to become intuitive healers but also wanting to understand themselves and their lives better. We all wanted to renew ourselves and make peace with our failings, fears, and negative attitudes, to find the sacred within us and to find a spiritual community with whom to share experiences on the journey.
 
We needed to understand the nature of our relationship with the Creator, both as the energy of the Universe and as a personal friend and mentor to whom we could turn for guidance, comfort, and unconditional love. When they started the year, like most of us, the students felt inauthentic, burdened by fears and anxieties. By year’s end, they saw the truth—that they were genuine splinters of God’s love, and their fears dissolved.

All of our success in the world and our progress on a spiritual path comes from learning to maximize the insights we receive from our authentic selves. Sensing a divine guiding hand is the way we look past our old emotional blocks, even though they come from real problems that we’ve actually experienced. We learn that our lives aren’t made up of what we know through our intellect but of the love and compassion we experience in our hearts.

The Voice of The One

To find the spiritual directions we’re seeking—the ways to love and have love returned—requires us to visit the voices of our spirits to show us how to live without an agenda. At first we’re frightened and disbelieving. We think it’s impossible for us to love without a deal that binds us at the level of our weaknesses rather than our strengths. But the voice of the sacred doesn’t dangle relationships in front of us, whispering, "If we just do or become something, then…" Instead, this inner voice tells us we are more than enough; we are Divine. We can, of course, have relationships that are nourishing and fulfilling as soon as we learn to be ourselves without apology. This voice speaks with the assurances we need. This is the voice of our authentic selves, with a capital S.

By comparison, the voice of our personalities is the one that, until now, we’ve always believed. This very familiar voice separates us from others by telling us that we’re not enough: we must do better, try harder. This is the voice that is relentless in pushing us to secure the material needs of our lives, even at the risk of our health and sanity. We push and struggle for our rightful share, and we are convinced that our responsibilities are limited to our little corner of the world and our individual families. This is the voice of our (small s) selves—our personalities.

The way I found The One true and essential voice inside me unfolded one sunny summer morning. I was on vacation in Maine with Errol, my husband. My morning routine was to sit quietly for a time watching the water, read a few pages of an inspiring book, and then walk for a while. I often would found surprising insights while meandering alone along the quiet country roads.

This particular day I had an amazing realization. I’d been working on trying to love and care for myself, not out of fear or resentment of others but out of compassion and acceptance for myself. But I wasn’t sure how I could find the inner voice of my authentic self. I reflected on a statement I’d read earlier that morning written by the Indian spiritual master Sathya Sai Baba. The piece suggested that I should try to understand my true nature, my authentic self, in much the same way I think about my children, my home, my work, my friends, and my physical body. When I thought, "This is my body," I was to consider who it was that was announcing it possesses a body. It isn’t my body itself, but something in me that guides and directs my body; it’s not my mind, because that, too, is part of my physical composition. It is my spirit. And my spirit is none other than The One—the Creator.

I read a concluding thought that made a lasting impression as I tried to grapple with realizing that the "me" that was making decisions about what to think and do was none other than my authentic self. I realized that the path to greater understanding, love, and compassion was to find the "I am" that creates life rather than the "I" of my physical body and mind. I was looking for the part of me that is the originator of ideas, the genuine Creator within. My inner voice was the place where The One abided. This voice was my authentic self, and my Compassionate Healer was another aspect of this voice.

Growing Authentic

Working with people over the last twenty years has taught me a great deal about myself and other people, including how we can grow to accept ourselves and our life circumstances. Acceptance gives us power and courage to stay steady and strong instead of shifting the blame for what we don’t like to others and losing the will to make our own choices. Often we don’t understand why things happen in our lives, but we don’t need to understand why if we consider what; what will I do now? Or: how can I respond to this challenging scenario?

Life is a difficult journey. There is no way to change how our lives are put together. We know that we are born, we live, and we die. We know that we can’t control the elements and that some of us are unhappy more than we are content. If we can’t change the framework of our lives, how can we live out our years, getting the most from them? My answer is: by seeing our experiences as gateways to greater understanding and compassion.

When we connect with our authentic selves we learn about our courage and grace as much as our suffering and betrayals. When we only remember the misery and the pain, we remain locked in yesterday. But the reason we feel upset by dwelling on old suffering is not what we think. By refusing to find the meaning of our negative experiences, we think we are protecting ourselves from discovering how we have fallen short in the past.

But the reality is that by finding the courage to look squarely at our old pains and sorrows, we see the ways we truly are authentic, thus liberating ourselves from past suffering. As we learn to detach from the criticisms of others and become our own loving parents and mentors, we are able to see that "The Source" sees our value and helps us to make our own unique contributions to life, making the most of opportunities we might otherwise have missed.

The End Becomes Our New Beginning

Nothing is set in stone. We know that many possibilities lie before us. No illness is absolutely terminal, no relationship is irrevocably doomed, no loss is forever, and no suffering needs to shroud our futures. We are The Creator’s charges—His/Her hands and feet here on Earth to experience and enjoy the sacred seeds of the love He/She has planted in our hearts.

For me, writing my new book, Wisdom Bowls, was a rebirth of greater confidence and commitment to the work of spreading love in the world. I hope you will read it and it inspires a rebirth for you as well, as you face new possibilities in your life with renewed energy and determination. We have everything we need in order to live full, successful lives, assured that we are kin with all the life on earth. Our circle of caring is large, embracing all people and all nations. Every creature and habitat is part of our web of life, and every effort we make to strengthen it, no matter how small, changes our future for the better.

The Earth and her children depend on each of us to be wise, to have vision, to speak in joy, to extend love and compassion, to own our power, to accept our true natures, and to allow others to share our bounty. If our capable hands and steady hearts shift ever so slightly in the direction of loving, we move the planet in an entirely new direction from where it has been in the past.

If we each lean just a little toward love and understanding, what might our lives look like? What might our children grow up to believe? What suffering that we’ve borne through the years would we heal? Our futures rest in our ability to love each other enough to overcome our differences and reach out to one another in peace and understanding. Peace in our hearts will create peace on the planet. Fear is not in charge of our destiny; we, as our authentic selves, are the creators of the future we will pass along to those who walk in our footsteps.

The exploration of our authentic nature leads to an amazing realization. Rather than being the dim and unenlightened persons we may think we are, we find that deep inside we are as brilliant as the sun, no matter what tragedy has befallen us. We can experience joy, love and power when we understand what has blocked those aspects of Love in our lives. We can open our hearts to loving in ways we never have before. There is no perfect time to find the answers to deep questions. The right time is whenever and wherever we begin our journeys toward an authentic reconnection with our true Selves.


© Copyright 2003 Meredith Young-Sowers. All Rights Reserved. The above is excerpted and adapted from Wisdom Bowls; Overcoming Fear and Coming Home to Your Authentic Self, by Meredith Young-Sowers (Stillpoint, 2002).

[Kadensnga]

Enjoyed your post Julia very much. Nice article. Now I have a question;

Define "authenticity"...

There are so many levels of authenticity... the scope of areas which we are authentic or not is very broad.

What sense of the word are you referring to here?

Are you referring to acceptance of the God self, or are you referring to transparency of the human self ie; 'nakedness" before the world...

Is it referring to lying about who you are to others? Is it about being caught up in the illusion self and not recognizing the true self?

Certainly, everything we share here is caught up in the google caches forever... in other words, every word we type wil be on the internet forever, or as long as there is a google cache that is...

It would be advisable for all to be authentic, because you cannot take back what you allow into the google cache and one could weave a very tangled web if they were not authentic, and simultaneously not aware that they are absolutely bare assed naked before the world with everything they type.

I for one have been aware of this all along... and thus it has been an exhilarating exercise taking my clothes off on this forum...understanding that even "business associates" will see my nakedness by a simple google search on "kadensnga" or anyone of our screen names for that matter...

You wanna talk about coming into authenticity? If you post in forums then welcome to the authentic world. It will either get you or you will get "it". lol

So in a nutshell. is authenticity about lying? Or is authenticity about coming into awareness of the true self?

More blunt, frank nakedness from John here... I know you can always count on a shocker from me, and an authentic question that has the potential to shake people to the core... and as always, in this case, I do not disapoint.

This post should encourage alot more authenticity.

There is great love here for you.

"K"

[juliainkc]

Hi John,

I find it interesting to read what this brought up from within you to ask... and in all authenticity or genuineness of my Being I would have to say, these are the questions you must ask and answer for yourself within yourself. Based on your Internal knowing and not so much exterior knowing...

Accepting oneself is accepting all parts of oneself in my own understanding of asking these questions and listening to my own answers that make me authentically and genuinely myself. Not based on yours or anyothers opinions of knowing myself.

We are authentic in every moment, this article for me relates to the very opening statement:

"You already are authentic; the challenge is to feel that you are."

So google away John, Kadensnga, and know that yes, you and I are alway authentic, the 'idea' is when we realize this and not so much to keep ones continually defining what we think this may be ...

A shifting from head knowledge to Heart Knowing. "Truth fears no questions."

To celebrating your Authenticity John, Kadensnga as you reveal here your authentic and naked ass Self and I appreciate you for allowing me to join you in mine.


Love embracing you and InJoying this day along with you,

Julia

[juliainkc]

Just happen to be reading and writing in my journal when I saw this and felt this was appropriate to share on your question here John, of defining what authenticity is in this case for me ~

It's when I really show up for myself and be me, giving, leaning all of myself whole heartedly into the current experience and doing it for the sheer joy of experiencing it because the reward is for me in being fully Present and giving of myself. Breathing Being, it is enough. I have found for myself that this is about as authentic as it gets for me and this is the place I am choosing more and more to remain in.

It's getting alot more peaceful in here is all I can say!

Thank you for asking the question John,

Namaste` within Love,

Julia


 

[juliainkc]

Hi All,

This is only a portion of an article from Soulful Living written by Judith Shevren, Ph.D., and James Sniechowski Ph.D., that was a wonderful expression about the maturity process defined as 'The Four Passages of Love' in relationships.

Nicely shared. The first place we begin this process is within ourselves, and growing in our understanding by extending this to all others we are in relationship with.

Much Love extended to All,

InJoy,

Julia 



From: Be Loved for Who You Really Are

by Judith Shevren, Ph.D., and James Sniechowski Ph.D.


The four passages of love, what we call the arc of love, comprise the necessary and predictable progression that love requires of any successful couple.

In the first passage, what we call "A Glimpse of What is Possible," you not only fall in love, but you are also given a chance to see the very real perfection in your partner and in yourself. You see the wondrous possibilities available between you if you will surrender to where love wants to take you. The question is--will you follow love's lessons to develop your capacity to live that perfection in your everyday lives. 

In the second passage, what we call "The Clash of Differences," each of you as distinctly unique people will reveal more of your complexity, your limitations, quirks, excellence, and your troublesome self-centeredness. Love is no longer just ecstatic. Now it demands that you appreciate and respect your partner as different and be willing to resolve your conflicts so that both of you are satisfied.

The third passage is called "The Magic of Differences," because you both, as a couple, cement your trust of one another by growing through and beyond your conflicts. You realize that there is a very real wisdom in your choice of one another. You see that your differences, many of which you previously thought were only annoying, are now the basis for your ongoing personal growth, learning, and spiritual expansion--individually and together.

The fourth passage, "The Grace of Deep Intimacy," brings you into a full and total trust of your love, a love so rich that it infuses all your activities and is obvious to all those with whom you are involved. Now the bliss that was free in the very beginning has become a permanent and well-earned resident in each of your hearts and in the heart of your relationship.

And finally, if you are to be loved and love one another for the one-of-a-kind miracles that you are, you must understand that the natural and inevitable challenges, conflicts, and changes you will encounter in your long-term relationship are designed to help you do just that.

But, because so few of us receive any meaningful training to help us create and maintain love and romance, you may feel like giving up because you think these conflicts shouldn't be happening. You may be tempted to conclude that your clashes are signs of failure. Unless you are suffering under emotional and/or physical abuse (which definitely has nothing to do with love), your conflicts are in fact signals that both of you are showing up in your distinctiveness and that's an essential requirement if your love is to ever be the kind that is filled with everyday romance--one that lasts a lifetime.

[juliainkc]

This was aired on a talk radio show and while it is a listen, it is well worth repeating. I really Vibe with Maryanne Comaroto who is being interviewed by Kaleah Roche. While it is targeted towards 'women' I see it as applying to all genders or a non gender expression behind the labels ~

When you have a moment or two to invest in yourself understanding ~

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/dispelling-the-myths/2009/10/06/what-you-need-to-know-before-you-drop-your-drawers-with-maryanne-comaroto

Much Love All ~

Julia

[juliainkc]

From an article shared in Soulfuliving today.

InJoy ~



Practical Spirituality: It's in the Connection

by Judith Sherven, Ph.D. & James Sniechowski, Ph.D.



What do you most want from your relationships?

Is it...

Communication?
Adventure?
Comradery?
Fun?
Sharing?

Well, those are all important. But, whether you’ve thought about it or not, you can have all those elements and still not experience a genuine connection. Certainly not the kind of meaningful connection you’re looking for when you meet someone that you hope will become a long lasting friend, business associate, or marriage partner.

So What Is Connection?

It’s true that a sincere connection can be experienced when you first meet someone. You laugh at the same kinds of things. You share the same taste in movies or sports. And you both grew up in the same town.

That first stage of connection can be easy and automatic. Because it’s all about being alike.

And that’s usually enough to want to go forward.

But is it enough to create a deep, lasting connection, one that continually opens you to new depths of discovery, growth, and lasting fulfillment?

Not usually.

Because, while you may share many things in common, the richest, deepest, most rewarding connection can only come through the ongoing process of understanding, respecting, and being emotionally impacted by the differences between the two of you.

That’s why, in seeking a serious and lasting association with someone, the sooner you can move beyond social pleasantries the better. Because when you meet someone and they genuinely want to get to know you—and you reveal your  unique background, fears and joys, struggles and success—and they let you see, through an emotionally open and honest response, how you’ve impacted them—then, for that moment, you experience the basis for developing a relationship built on the willingness to connect.

The Source of Spiritual Connection

How do you gain access to that kind of in-depth connection? Certainly not just in talking and listening. We’ve all yammered on and on, trying to fill an uncomfortable void when stuck sitting next to someone who would only speak in mono-syllables. And we’ve all listened very intently, trying to grasp what someone was rambling on about, not knowing that they didn’t care whether we understood or not—they just loved hearing themselves talk. So, certainly deep connection isn’t just in the output and uptake of words.

Instead, the richest source of spiritual connection—to yourself and to another person—is available only when you respectfully value and take in the many ways the other person is different from you. Because only then are you able to challenge yourself to grow beyond your own natural, necessary, and innocent narcissism.

Judith remembers being on a psychological study tour of the Soviet Union, as it was called then. And the group was taken to an outdoor market in the Muslim city of Samarkand in Central Asia, which was founded in 700 BC (for you history buffs!).

As she got off the bus she noticed an elderly man seated on the ground against a white stucco wall. His dark face, heavily lined and discolored, supplied the canvas for his front teeth . . . they were gold . . .and glittering in the sunlight.

Her first response was to turn away, repelled by the differences. But a voice inside said, “No, that is also you. Look again.”

When she did, he was now beautiful. Nothing had changed in his appearance. Only this time, Judith’s perception included the awareness that she was not separate from him—that they were connected. And that through their differences they were each expressing the One-ness that exists in all life on this planet.

So the source of the deepest connection—true spiritual connection—resides only within you. Because, whether you’ve experienced it or not, deep within you lies the profound ability to grant another person, any other person, the true value of their role in your life. And that role? To reflect back to you your capacity to connect—far beyond similarities and fun, far deeper than just communication and comradery—to connect at the level of the soul, to connect across eternity.

That is the spiritual power of our differences, to join us in magical, mystical connection.

Staying Whole in the Connection

You may be wondering if you’ll get lost in this kind of deep, almost boundary-less connection. And it’s a good question if you’ve been in the habit of giving yourself away and losing your separate identity in relationships.

But recognizing the rare quality of another’s unique, one-of-a-kind reflection, of the eternal One-ness doesn’t actually work unless you remain whole, unless you keep your own specifically one-of-a-kind self intact.

Think about it. You’ve no doubt had the experience of selling yourself short in order to help someone else. Maybe they called on you for advice. And, no matter what you said to them, they continued to pepper you with questions and concerns. Nothing you said could satisfy their need.

So, only after you’d sacrificed several precious hours, did you finally “fib” that you were exhausted and had to go to bed, or needed to pick someone up at the airport so you could finally take care of yourself.

That kind of self-sacrifice never, ever comes from true connection. Because you’ve lost touch with yourself. When you’re lost in self-sacrifice, you have no self. And to create the potential for transformative connection, to really be available to help another person, you have to be a self.

So experiencing deep spiritual connection doesn’t mean you get lost or become submissive to the other person’s needs. Not at all. Care for your own well-being must come first if connection is going to sustain and remain valuable over time.

Only then can you freely open yourself to take in and respect the value of others—no matter who they are or how different from you they may be. Only then can you live as a fabulous expression of what it means to be fully you. And only then can you respect what it means for others to truly express their own unique selves—each in their own way.

Growing the Connection

Yet, too often, because game-playing has contaminated the rules of dating, business, and even marriage, your impulse may be to hold back what you’re feeling for the other person. You think you need to play emotional trivia or, worse yet, emotional dodge ball.

But that old stuff’s the enemy of connection. And it’s a foolish way to treat your own feelings as well as someone you actually care for.

The fact is, for you to make the most of your relationships, you’ll want to avoid game-playing by being honest and emotionally available, curious and revealing, right from the start. Because that’s the only way you can discover whether the other person is emotionally available for the kind of connection you desire.

If the other person shares your interest in growing the connection, then you take the emotional exploration deeper. Because, at every stage of your relationship, the truth really will set you free.

Either you’ll know that the two of you still want to go forward, or you’ll become aware that one or both of you begin to hold back.

If you’re starting to hold back, check to see what’s going on. What is it that’s getting in your way?

Your intuition may be right on point, alerting you that something’s not quite right. Or, on the other hand, everything may be very much all right, and you’ve stumbled into an unconscious block that prohibits receiving far more than you’re used to.

When that’s the case, do yourself and your budding relationship a huge favor. Speak with the other person about your unexpected reserve. Explain that the deepening connection is challenging you to grow, to receive more than you’ve ever known before, and to feel enriched far beyond anything you’ve even imagined.

When you make yourself vulnerable in this way, we guarantee the connection you’ll share will pale compared with anything you’ve previously experienced.

A Spiritual Test

When you follow the truth of what’s happening between you and another person, it’s the best spiritual test you can use to determine whether to continue the relationship and what’s possible in the long run.

You may balk at the idea of a spiritual “test.” But the truth is that many people who want a more fulfilling spiritual connection, fail that very desire by avoiding unpleasant truths in their relationships. They sell out to fear and convenience.

You’ve no doubt seen the man or woman, resplendent in flowing garb and adorned with spiritual symbols, smiling vacantly while their partner flirts with others, speaks in a patronizing tone, and in every way demonstrates a lack of care. That is false spirituality of the worst kind, because it is nothing more than self-abuse parading in a beatific disguise.

When you are true to the what it means to feel spiritually connected, then you must determine and live by the deepest truth of yourself and the very real connection—or lack of—in your relationship. And the only way to determine that is by staying true to yourself and testing to see what’s actually possible.

You either grow your connection—meeting after meeting or date after date—as your souls meet and join in continual discovery through your differences—or you realize and respect that the relationship isn’t happening as you need it to. You then go your own way, unwilling to waste your time if a deep connection isn’t possible.

Either way, you have succeeded. You have succeeded spiritually, by staying true to your connection to yourself. And you’ve succeeded emotionally, by expressing yourself honestly and openly, making yourself available to discover what all is possible in the long run . . . or not. So enjoy practical spirituality in your relationship with yourself and with others, and let connection...or lack of connection...guide your future.

© Copyright 2007 Judith Sherven, Ph.D. & James Sniechowski, Ph.D.  All Rights Reserved.


Judith Sherven and Jim Sniechowski
Drs. Judith Sherven & Jim Sniechowski, husband-and-wife psychology team  are the bestselling authors of Be Loved for Who You Really Are (Renaissance Books, 2001).

[juliainkc]

I dedicate this from the Daily Om to all Kindred Kith and Kin ~

Would like to take this opportunity to share what I have been called by Shamans in my life story.  Keeper of the Sacred Stories and the Keeper of the Fire.

Alot of what I share here in the forums is shared in story fashion and not so much inch by inch ...

To my Beloved Friend and Brother Darrell who brought this to my attention in loving remembrance, Namaste` Darrell ~

May this bless the ones open to receiving it is my Heart's genuine Intention ~

Shared withIn Loves Peaceful Blessings ~

InJoy ~


February 5, 2010

Finding Your Tribe
Your Allies On Life’s Journey


Our tribe members are those people who accept us as we are and gladly accompany us on our journeys of evolution.


Part of being human is the search for an individual identity. Bound to this strong need to establish a unique persona, however, is an equally intense desire for acceptance. It is when we find our individual tribes that both are satisfied. Our tribe members are those people who accept us as we are without reservation and gladly accompany us on our journeys of evolution. Among them, we feel free to be our imperfect selves, to engage unabashedly in the activities we enjoy, and to express our vulnerabilities by relying on our tribe for support. We feel comfortable investing our time and energy in the members of our tribe, and are equally comfortable allowing them to invest their resources in our development.

The individuals who eventually become members of your unique tribe are out there in the wide world waiting for you. You are destined to find them, one by one, as you move through life. Sometimes your own efforts will put you in contact with your future tribe members. At other times, circumstances beyond your control will play a role in helping you connect with your tribe. If you look about you and discover that you are already allied with a wonderful and supportive tribe, remember that there are likely many members of your tribe you have not yet met. On the other hand, if you feel you are still living outside of your tribe, broadening your horizons can help you find your tribe members.

However your life develops after you come together with your tribe, you can be assured that its members will stand at your side. On the surface, your tribe may seem to be nothing more than a loose-knit group of friends and acquaintances to whom you ally yourself. Yet when you look deeper, you will discover that your tribe grounds you and provides you with a sense of community that ultimately fulfills many of your most basic human needs.