Hi
Julia, Louis
Would you please cut it out? ..lol...
Louis
as I ‘know’ I am absolutely positive you never really meant to call Julia ‘neurotic’.
Julia
when you read what Louis wrote did you told him how you feel about it?
Anyway this is my understanding of all this.
Sometimes people call you ‘names’.
Sometimes people say something that brings up inside some form of hurt feeling, or perhaps is even milder is just like something left on the edge of the brain that makes you not put it at rest.
Our immediate reaction, when people touch a sensitive part through words, (lol.. I find it interesting on how Adrian’s newsletter of today kind of touches this realm) – anyway our immediate reaction is to ‘respond’, in one way or another.
I am absolutely certain without any doubt that Lois/Wave never meant to intend the word ‘neurotic’, as people would normally understand it.
I find myself in this situation sometimes with my girls of using words that seem totally inappropriate and it can be hurting, disappointing, confusing until I talk with them and try to understand as in why did they say that, what made them use that particular word and what really did they mean by using it. While at the same time if I was the cause of that word understanding what of my attitude, actions etc. made them define me by a certain word.
It turns out almost all of the time that their intention was never the one I perceive.
The younger generation always have a way with using words beyond their initial meaning. In some way it defines them. It makes them feel ‘cool’. And they never perceive on how it makes the others ‘cave in’ when they hear those words.
So, my educated guess is that ‘Lois’ called neurotic an observed behaviour that confused him deeply. I guess perhaps he either forgot, or he never done talking with himself. So in this sense ne have called you (Julia… the person Julia) ‘neurotic’ – he more like… defined what he observed through his frame of reference.
And Julia posting things again and again before someone had a chance to reply or make an observation was done not so much as because of ‘talking with herself’ but more so that after a while she had new ideas and new insights with whatever was at hand.
Now
…many posts FF (fast forward) and sure enough that still is a sore spot for both of you.
And Lois is trying to apologise, and Julia who was never really upset with you in the first place is answering back in ‘parables’ that truth is not only Louis but I have a hard time getting them.
The problem with us women is that we always ‘read’ and ‘say’ things that are more in between the lines. This leaves an open trap to a lot of misunderstanding and consequent conflict.
Men function more in a direct fashion. They understand the ‘language’ of direct and simple expression.
And contrary to what a woman might think, a guy is never ‘hurt’ the way a woman would be when you tell it simple to his face (of course in a non-blaming way).
(Having said this I have to pause and thank to all my guy friends who took the time and patience and above all the ‘love’ to help me see this. )
In conclusion?
Guys please, please say simply what you have to say, do not jump to conclusions, do not complicate things, seek to understand more, seek to ‘listen’ more.
Learn to say in simple language and first to yourself!! before speaking out:
- I feel hurt because…
- It irritates me because…
- I am sorry, I never meant it like this…I meant it like…
And please, please, try to solve it once and forever do not drag it endlessly.
Like you said Julia: “Where does it end?”.
Well it ends when both of you decide so.
When you decide to shed the light of understanding in the behaviour of the ‘other’ as perceived through own frame of reference. And all this is called ‘love’ applied to this example.
Hmmm this gets me thinking I guess I can see the need of explaining on how ‘human emotions’ are built.
Have a great Sunday.
Love –Laura
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