Intimate RelationshipsFriday, 07 August 2009 14:31 Lounge Guy Life
http://www.evolvethe.com/wisdom/life/524-intimate-relationships?showall=1 The phrase "intimate relationships" can evoke warm and deep emotional feelings. Some kinds of these relationships though can be cold and decidedly distant. Those would fall into either the "co-dependent" or the "I'm-so-out-of-here" category.
In this article, we will examine a half-dozen relationships, which include mundane ones (those based on security, sex, or power) and sublime ones (those based on mutual respect and other spiritual characteristics). You will find that most relationships are a "mixture of elements" from various categories. Usually though, one prominent feature will define the union. As a rule, each successive category represents a higher energetic state than the previous one.
You can apply these categories to social relationships, but mostly I've used them to describe the intimate, one-on-one variety.
For convenience I've used the masculine pronouns throughout, although you can interchange them freely with the feminine.
MUNDANE RELATIONSHIPS - Security, Sex, and Power
Mundane Relationships operate within materialistic pictures of reality. People treat the other as objects rather than human beings, and this eventually creates suffering for them. Most of these relationships are co-dependent to some degree.
SecurityPeople involved in security-base relationships are usually fearful. The relationship is marked by repression and manipulation, sometimes accented by strong religiosity (as opposed to spirituality). Survival issues lurk like reptilian predators in the background, waiting for the right moment to strike. Ironically, insecurity will weave itself throughout the term of the union, keeping the energy levels relatively low. Here, the parties commonly use passive-aggressive tactics to get what they want.
SexUnions built strictly on sex can be exciting, at least at first, but they often lack depth. This works fine for those who are content to live superficially. However, if either party starts to develop spiritually or psychologically, then he will likely find the relationship unsatisfying and will start looking for another. People here tend to think of themselves as "players," but a more accurate term for them would be "users."
PowerSome people use relationships to exercise their ego. Power and control are prominent features at this level. Those who need this kind of experience often seek partners who need security or who desire to be controlled economically, sexually, or socially. A person can use his social status to control a relationship. For example, I know of a very attractive lady who was with a man running for office. She thought he wanted to showcase her. He lost the election and dropped her. She was right.
When two power-driven people form a relationship, their interactions will be animated, but they also will experience a good deal of anger and conflict. Here, what is important is being right and getting your way. And when one of them "wins," which again is all-important, he gets an ego rush. Subtlety is not necessary when asserting this power.
SUBLIME RELATIONSHIPSTwo classes exist in the Sublime category: relationships based on (1) True Love and (2) Transcendent Love. These relationships are communally oriented — they share resources freely. They also are spiritually and socially evolutionary. At this level, love makes you crazy; you can lose your mind in the ecstasy of loving your partner. This love is irresistible and purifying, and it can burn truckloads of karma really fast. Perhaps most importantly, when you experience love, you are happy. Both of these categories are transcendent in the sense that they operate beyond the strictly biological imperatives of survival, mating, and social posturing.
True Love True Love has several aspects: mutual respect, acceptance, caring, being determined to know your partner more fully, self-sacrifice, and the desire to improve yourself within the relationship. Let's consider the details of each.
Mutual respect means to honor the human dignity or, at a higher level, the spiritual identity of the other. Here we have transcended the need to manipulate and deride our partner — negative actions found in the Mundane attempts at love.
Acceptance means that we move beyond our habitual judgments and try to determine the Truth of the situation. This can be difficult because Truth comes from our Spirit rather than the relative opinions of our mind or the reactionary responses of our emotions. Once we know the Truth about someone or a situation, acceptance comes easily and we respond accordingly.
Some will argue that Truth (capital "T") does not exist. If God exists, though, surely God must be Truth, and who is to say that we cannot tap into a tiny bit of that?
Caring includes treating the other with tenderness and consideration. It means to support, be concerned, and to want the best for your partner. How is he — physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually? What can you do to uplift, and comfort, and please him?
Self-sacrifice is a terrible idea in an era where greed is touted as a good thing, at least in the corporate mentality. I've seen "Greed is Good" bumper stickers — a bad sign for society! When you love someone, self-sacrifice doesn't mean that you play the role of a martyr. Instead, you act considerate and forego your desires for a while. For instance, if your partner is sick, you don't ask for sex just because you are "in the mood."
Self-sacrifice also is a form of compromise. Say that you smoke cigarettes, but the smoke physically bothers your partner. The right thing to do would be to smoke outside. This is part of caring as well.
Knowing each other better can draw you closer. By knowing someone, you can care for him more effectively. It enhances your appreciation of his positive aspects and makes you more compassionate about his faults. You recognize that your partner is a unique and miraculous expression of Creation.
By improving yourself, you add both a humanistic and spiritual dimension to the relationship, which makes it holy. As humans, we are destined to make mistakes. By recognizing our weaknesses and failures, we can change our attitudes and behavior. Like this, we evolve spiritually and, by association, so can our partner.
Soul MatesSome say that all instances of True Love involve Soul Mates. A Soul Mate is a being with whom you travel through several incarnations. You probably belong to a "soul group" — a collection of fellow spirits who are time traveling together. Some may appear at different phases in your life while others might skip this lifetime entirely and join you in the next one. Usually, you continue to cherish a Soul Mate even if circumstances separate you during a lifetime.
Soul Mates can be partners, lovers, spouses, relatives, or best friends. They are not necessarily true mates ("Twin Flames") though.
EnchantmentEnchantment is a condition that mimics True Love. I mention it here not because it is a form of True Love, but because it represents a situation that can pull you from your spiritual path.
Enchanted relationships are magical. In fact, magical (astral) influences are the basis of such relationships. They can be very exciting and wondrous, but dark elements, like subtle yet dissolute undercurrents, are at work.
The two main characteristics of Enchantment are (1) a loss of personal will, and (2) a feeling that all is not well, but you continue anyway, as if you were "magnetically" drawn down that dark path. You feel fated — that you must surrender to that destiny. Metaphysical events can occur, like transfigurations, previous-life dramas being played out, and astral-sexual phenomena. Although intriguing, this spiritual test determines if you are ready to take your next evolutionary step.
Transcendent LoveIn this category, we find two possibilities: The Guru/Student relationship and the Twin Flame.
Guru/StudentGuru/Student associations have been around for thousands of years. In the purest sense, they are holy. They focus on the spiritual development of the student, which is how these unions are traditionally understood. The guru, however, grows too. Here you can experience astral phenomena and even higher-dimensional events (higher than the astral plane). Unlike Enchantment though, these experiences are uplifting, evolutionary, and illuminating.
Whether intimacy enters the picture depends on the spiritual discipline being practiced and other factors. The guru and the student are often Soul Mates.
Twin FlamesTwin Flames are perhaps the most sacred and, philosophically, the most controversial. I've read a dozen different opinions about what they are. In this model, they reflect the underlying oneness of the universe. Before I explain this relationship though, we should first explore its metaphysical framework.
Spiritually, at the highest level of Creation, everything is one: it's all one thing. Even science supports the "All One Thing" theory, which gives it real-life credibility. Although we are all one, the separation of forms is obvious to our senses: that you and I exist as individuals is undeniable. Some call this separation an illusion, which it might be; yet, everyone experiences it, so we could just as well call it reality.
In any event, if "it" is really "all one thing," then at some point it must have divided itself into the zillion different forms we see — you, trees, the sun, and the seas. The process of dividing itself apparently happened in steps over billions of years. For instance, at first it split into two, and then went from two to fifty, then from fifty to a million — or however it works. Forms evolve and diversify. The universe becomes more complex as time passes.
At some point in the time line, a spiritual entity projects its consciousness into a physical body. Loosely, it's like a ventriloquist throwing his voice into a puppet. Most religions call this projection a "soul," which is a form of consciousness. We are spirits — higher-dimensional beings — experiencing third-dimensional reality in a human body. If all this were true, what would prevent a spirit from projecting its consciousness into more than one body during the same period?
When a spirit decides to project its consciousness into two bodies, they could meet and form a relationship. They would be Twin Flames. The partners could have totally different backgrounds and personalities; yet, something inside them would find the deepest resonance and irresistible longing for each other. Twin Flames represent the purest intimate relationship — organic and natural — and it gives them the opportunity to experience unconditional love.
Both the Guru/Student and Twin Flames unions have profound, evolutionary effects on those involved. They differ from other relationships in their depth, degree of surrender, and level of honesty and openness. This is lose-your-mind crazy love.
CONCLUSIONEvery level of relationship has something to offer. We can learn from them all. It's doubtful that we can summons a Sublime relationship into existence by our personal will: These are inscribed in the Book of Destiny. Perhaps the best we can do is to behave as well as possible in whatever relationship we are in. If the relationship is satisfying, then who needs to change? If we are not satisfied, then we can remember that change is the one constant in the universe. If we are ready, the next step will appear.
For more information:
http://www.lightlounge.org
Dilber MC Theme by HarzeM