Hi G,
As I read your response here, the idea that your happiness is a choice can be very annoying when you are feeling anything but.
Each and everyone of us at some place in our life experience's being imprisoned by our life. Truth. Not all of us have the same issues as in health and physical looks, money, upbringing yet we all share a common goal in life and it is to be happy. Most just don't have the skills or know how to do this especially when facing what seems like unsurmountable odds.
All I am asking you to explore within yourself G, is this. You feel the way you feel right now and have for awhile. Has feeling this way, uhappy, made you any more effective in dealing with these issues? Sometimes our unhappiness is our 'tool' to getting what we want from others. We can manipulate people with a sad face mentality and I am saying this honestly because I use to do this too.
And the one thing that is really 'true' if we are honest with ourselves is that it does come down to being about me. As in you, me, the next person. How is that Julia? Have you ever felt genuine Love for someone and recall doing something for them that showed that you Love them, and notice How did it make you feel? It really comes down to understanding that the loving things that we do for others is because of how good it makes us feel and we just want to keep feeling this way. The other person has nothing to do with how I feel. No one 'makes' us feel anyway, we choose to allow others to affect our feelings and this becomes more and more clear the more you stay focused on paying attention to these things.
Happiness eluded me for many years even with applying Spiritual principles. And I have come to find in a meandering sort of way that until we really understand our Human side and make friends with it by loving it and accepting it, it keeps us from allowing our Spirit to fill us up and feel IT in us. It seems to elude us even more. As I took a long look at my life, I began to get clearer on seeing myself. As I noticed my patterns, My choices were becoming more clear and how I was choosing not others outside of me, this takes years for some of us to get. Until you really come to Love and Accept yourself the way you are right now, you will not find happiness. It will continue to elude you. Because without these two things, you cannot dwell in your space as being in a safe environment where you feel you can safely open up and explore yourself and Become yourself.
My nature was happy go lucky as a child yet it was buried through years of hearing how much 'power' I had on my family's happiness by making them miserable. In other words experiencing how unhappy I made them. This created a deeply buried guilt by transfering ones owning their own emotions and creating this feeling responsible for all others happiness and when this did not happen, guess what? Yes, depression set in at having failed to 'make' another happy. I was not being a 'good' girl.
Does choosing to be happy guarantee that I won't have any challenging life circumstances come my way? Not at all. But being unhappy did not change the circumstance in fact it seemed to lengthen the duration of it, by choosing to be happy I have peace where once before I had no peace. And the circumstances come and go irregardless. I am not miserable anymore because of my life circumstances. The norm is to be unhappy really. Just look around you. And anyone who is happy is considered suspect or la la. Interesting. Misery loves company idea.
I grew up when I could see this from an adult perspective. Being an adult has no bearing on ones age truly.
We tend to think that we must 'do' something to deserve or earn our right to be happy. We can choose to BE Happy as well as we choose to be unhappy. Where does this thought of having to earn it or deserve it by doing something come from? This is asking a non-judgmental question to ourselves about any of our beliefs that are self defeating. And asking myself, what is my answer to that?
Pay attention to what you are hearing in your environment. Does anyone ever say, 'you make me mad, sad, angry, sick, crazy?' If you really pay attention to this, what is being said is that you have so much power and control over another's feelings. Is this true? Are you making them all these things or are these their views of how they see what is going on around them?
The same applies to you and me, you are still in the practicing of gaining ground, I will say that it is a never-ending process because it is a Life long process, as long as you have breath G. So, even though your circumstances may not be ideal right now, there is one thing that only you can 'control' and that is the attitude that you choose to see your life from. No one in here or anywhere you may go to find it can do this for you and this is why you have not found it yet. What you seek for can only be found in you. Your own Love and Acceptance of you. Perhaps this is your theme in life lessons and why you are experiencing this so when you do reach this and get it, your story will have such an impact on those whom you will hear sounding just like you did right now, only you will see it from a changed perspective as your beliefs change. As you grow into your Self Love and Self Acceptance. This is the key for anyone truly G. There is no other way in.
Ask yourself why you feel you cannot be happy the way you are in your life right now. And as you list out your reasons again, ask yourself if the unhappiness you have inside has changed them one iota. If not, why not choose to be happy in them. It is a choice. This is not saying pretend to be something you are not. You do have the ability to choose happiness as easily as you do unhappiness. I can be unhappy and miserable the way I am or I can be happy the way I am.
You have said, you cannot be happy the way I am. In other words you really do believe somewhere in you that your happiness in life has to be earned or deserved by doing something in this case, to your body to be able to experience being Loved and Accepted by yourself. You are rejecting yourself while at the same time expecting the Love and Acceptance to show up in some miraculous way 'outside' of you. In all honesty when you reach the end of your ways of thinking about life and give up your old self made up thoughts, that is when space is created to allow new perception and beliefs to come in.
I honestly feel that you have yet to ask yourself the key questions that will unlock your understanding of yourself. Knowing why you believe what you believe. What shaped your beliefs this far? This is a part of the process and while it can be frustrating, it will lead you to continue on this Journey because the world really does continue to expand as we grow, if we are open to seeing it.
Getting Clear on our purpose, building up by understanding the beliefs we are creating and making up to bring our purpose to life, breathing our passion into it and then demonstrating it by our actions. Now we have a solid foundation on which to remain persistent in reaching our dreams.
We give up our dreams too easily. We do not show up for ourselves. And this is what leads many to live lives of quiet desperation. Don't stop G. How many steps Julia? As many as it takes G.
I know, too long and don't wanna hear it Julia, yet G, you are on your path and will reach the other shore. Your faith is being sorely tested my friend and I do trust that even should you throw it out in moments, it has a funny way of boomeranging back..
Holding hands in this, while I cannot change your attitude or circumstances, I can share my Light right now and say, I have faith in you G.
Much Genuine Love and Peace being extended your way,
Julia
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