mgc1173
Reality Level 2
Posts: 43
Hoka!
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« on: August 28, 2009, 11:57:34 » |
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First a simple history. I have been in recovery for about six years. I have been put here in this life to learn. Most of the lessons were very difficult. Until recently I took these lessons personally, as if some sort of victim of creation. This led me to a personal breaking point, I begged for strength, power, anything. I some how figured the sky would open up, maybe some lightning, people singing, fat naked babies with wings, and harps, who knows, right. Nothing perceivable had changed, and quite simply life got much, much more difficult. I won't go into great detail, but Murphy and his law had me face down in the mud with a boot firmly planted on the back of my head. During this time I coupled my pain with very selfish, and destructive choices. The things I put my children any family are unforgivable, but they have, God love them.
When I finally stopped feeling sorry for myself and got help. I felt I need to know more, why am I here, what am I, what do I want to claim to be? So I became a seeker, science, conspiracies, theology, you name it I believed it. Then I ended up here at OUR,I thought by accident, signed up for the free chapters, got the book. As I read it I tried to apply as much of it as I could into my life. Things really started looking up for me. Then in one of the newsletters Adrian suggested the book "The Science Of Being In Seven Lessons." The impact it had started with the section on healing, simple lessons on focusing your energy to heal yourself. Well I had some tendinitis that had been bothering me for years. I applied this lesson to the affected area. No kidding I could literally feel it getting better as I sat. The next day...gone. No more pain to this day. Honestly I have been amazingly immune, and pain free ever since. I finished the book, and between the two (Adrian's and Eugene's) it really got me thinking about my Native American Tradition. So I applied one of the lessons to get guides. Within a week I met Red Willow Man, he is a wonderful helper, guide, and now a friend for all lives to come. Next, along with Traditional ceremonies, I read the 27 lessons, and felt I was ready for my Vision Quest. Half right, I was ready in life but completely mentally unprepared for what was to come. I can try to describe, but no words can explain the meshing of the physical and dream worlds. At the time associated it with fear, simply because I had no other reference. My heart pounded so fast it seemed to stop, my mind the same. I seemed to witness so many things in different places happening at once. The immediate lesson I did understand when I was there, was that I needed to make a choice. Let fear be in control, or choose my own truth. After the ceremony I physically went home, but had a lingering out of body feeling, and emotional intensity that didn't go away for weeks.
Sundance was to happen within the next 6-7 weeks, many positive things were going on. Of course that would have to be tested. A woman very close to me, a motherly role, got sick. Her kidneys were almost in stage 4, meaning transplant or dialyses or death she had the largest stones they had ever seen. She said she wouldn't let her family give up a kidney, and sure as hell wouldn't be on some machine for 2-3 times a week. It took several days for it to sink in, I have pretty good faith but was very torn by the possibility of her passing. Now I wasn't at Vision Quest anymore but it was still unfolding, I remembered the lessons on healing and that it could be done on others and remotely. I asked her, in a round about way, if she would be open to "other" methods of healing. She more or less said yes. I then followed the lesson to the "T" and we also had a healing sweat, not just for her, but she was my focus. Long story short, not even a week later she got some blood work done. She was very nervous, she tried not to show it. Then the call, it was the lab...it was normal, her kidneys' were functioning at 100%. The doctors were amazed, I was amazed. Could it be? Did I do that? (The answer is yes and no) I wanted very much to be able to take the credit it for it, but somehow lingering doubt still cast a small shadow. It was back to the stones now, they needed to go. The doctors did some blasting on them and one just would not budge, it would have to be cut out, and kidneys' don't heal like other organs from cuts. But the whole healing thing also had a lingering out of body feeling that took awhile to shake. So I got on OUR forums and asked for advise, Talker was kind enough to give me some grounding exercises, and erase my post! No worries Talker. They were very helpful in getting my mind to a place I will call normal.
Now I was happy, she would live, I have a new baby and am off to Sundance. This is a ceremony that is quite simply giving love to your community by making a very personal commitment. I will not go into details, I don't feel comfortable with it. Changes come though and sometimes you may not be ready to admit that you are, if you are open to the Creators Will it happens as it needs to. We prayed good.
When I got back I figured I'd run with it and take a shot at that pesky stone. She was set for surgery, they opened her up to find it was falling apart and no longer needed to be cut. Time to get grounded again...it's not working, try again, not working. This part I have kept to myself till now. I don't seem to get grounded anymore, it's always their, I close my eyes its there, the world most won't or can't see. And I seem to have a duties to perform and ready or not I'm now sharing it, to the best of my current ability. I am pursuing traditional studies for this, and was directed with blessing to keep moving forward in a good way. Healing is a gift that is not mine, nothing is mine, I am simply arms and legs for my chanupa (sacred pipe) and ultimately for the creator. I try less and less to define what I think that is, but I will say this that whether you agree or disagree, your right, we are all right. I feel we are the parallel universes, completely subjective to our own experience. In one world the sky is blue, in my other its purple, yellow, black, white globs of undulating colour. In one world animals look on and move on, in the other bears, cats, owls, and snakes guide and communicate with concern and love.
All the experiences, lessons, all the pleasure, and pain, and the roads traveled had led me to one simple statement "I Believe."
I don't know how everyone will read this, but I offer my help however that may be, and am always willing to accept opinions and advise.
I would also like to Thank Adrian Cooper for this site and his books, the Talker for guidance, Jillian K, for moral support, and zenzunni for confusing me. Love to All, Good Health and Good Help are in my prayers for everyone.
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