Fear and Confusion

[SaintSoldier]

Hello all.

I am a young college sophomore who only discovered how lazy I was when I began to question the intentions of those in charge of the country that polices the world. I had been living my entire life knowing I was intelligent, yet decided to let all of the indoctrinators tell me the way things are and that I had no chance of getting more knowledge unless I listened to them. I stopped listening solely to them when I realized that I was living like a puppet. I began taking psychedelics when I was in high school and partook of many different types of mind altering substances simply because I have always had a very vivid "imagination" as I saw it. When I started to feel and see things, it became more of a way of life rather than an aversion to normalcy. In my first year of college, my room mates and I began to notice clairvoyant tendencies in things we did; knowing when people were at the door before knocking, perfect timing, cop radar, following people while driving in front of them, etc. I realized then that I had been doing some of these things my entire life without knowing it. This inspired me to comprehend why or how something like this could be possible in a person (I was thinking more along the lines of "oh god, why did you take that much acid, now you're a schiz"). Since I had started in on the psychedelics, I had always had the intention of learning about the brain and figuring out how things work. It took me a while to believe in myself, but even now when I have had many many occurrences of insightful thoughts beyond what I could feasibly know, I feel that it is still necessary to doubt my own efficacy and to use that doubt as a tool to refine my abilities.

As I have begun this journey however, I have seemed to gravitate to the worst in everything around me. In my dreams (when I allow them), mixed with many many different scenarios and reenactments of situations past as well as my subconscious manifestations, I gravitate to the worst in people. The horrible deaths, the unnatural killing, the worst of the world. As much as I try and say that it's just my choice, that I wanted to see these things so I did, I Know they are things that have happened: I do not want to feel their pain, but I do anyway. I have lucid dreams as well as clear-sight dreams, the latter of which I do not control, but I have a completely different form of sight when I'm suffering. I have seen my inner demons and I have tried to love them as I love myself, but I have not felt any form of relief or any recognizable form of change in myself, even as the demons themselves change faster than I can imagine/see. The more I take in, the more frustrated I become and the more painful my sight becomes. That seems to be the only link between what I see of my own demons and that of which happens 'to me' in the flashes of suffering.
I pray every day for help, and have received some messages, signs and little things, but I am not well. I recently was told by a close friend of mine who believes me (which as you know, takes a lot of self-realization as well) that if I were to discipline myself, I would be used for the greater good. Whenever I discipline myself and become celibate and sober, the pain comes. I know I am supposed to use these abilities to help others, but the pain of sight always comes back to me. I understand that suffering is universal for those who wish to serve the light as I do but I am young and weak. I am reaching out to others who have walked down the path of science and come back upon religion to help me and to keep me in your prayers. Any advice to a novice would be appreciated.
I have long searched for a teacher who has the same type of awakening as I do, but that upon itself confuses me aswell. I have been able to do a wide range of very interesting things, but it seems that all of what I do can be attributed to my pace of thought. If a person is spiritually awakened and recognizes the power of everything as one, do adepts of all forms of mind-power have translatable efficacy as teachers for those who have realized themselves as natural users of other forms? Will I be able to use my mind that has a knack for sight and perception for affecting and changing?
I want to be a good person, yet I want power. Am I not evil? I am so lost in all of this and I don't understand Half of the things that I perceive.

I ask for illumination for myself. I wish for illumination of all. I only want for the pain and suffering caused by misunderstanding the truth to end.

[juliainkc]

Hello SaintSoldier,

A very warm welcome to the forums.

I appreciate your deep groanings here truly and can relate to being in this place. Experienced in different ways yet somehow coming to the same 'conclusion'.

There is a place of rest. We have heard it called 'surrender' and let's be honest, those whom think of themselves as 'soldiers' 'battling' for good or GOD, do not care much for this idea.

I have shared intimately with friends on this vibrational journey along with 'me' that I gave up or let go of empathy.

When I was in the throes of empathy, I was being infiltrated by all levels of Higher Beings and getting the Life sucked right out of me. Yes we let the good in however, we also allow confusion to come in as well. How does one seal the door?

I sense your feeling overwhelmed and inundated by all these things. Perhaps it is time to reclaim your Power by removing yourself from all these things. I call it becoming the exile.

When we feel we are here doing 'battle' with the 'forces of evil' then guess what? Yes. You open yourself to this level of vibration. I have been accused of being afraid of evil as I was shown to not look upon it.

I speak only for myself here. When we stay 'grounded' on the Light Vibration, we are magnets for this Vibrational Energy.

Testings come, to see if we are truly in remembrance of our Authentic Self.

You must be like a child to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. What does this mean? It means. Truth is Simple, not complicated.

Children make songs out of sentences. It is all in the Energy.

I know this seems like a curious way to respond yet, there is much value in what I Am sharing with you here.

There is a collective conscious thought that darkness is drawn to the Light, and yes, this is so on a certain level. I Am speaking here of darkness being repelled by the Light at a Higher Vibrational Energy. There is no darkness at this level.

All these things move us closer to uncovering the Source of Life, our Divine Spark that is in each one of us, when we come to the place or 'plane' of remembrance.

It all comes to Knowing truly. And this Knowing is what allows us to sing Loves Song. Not so much in knowing the words, this is about singing a Love Song from the Heart.

Much Love to You in Loves Spirit expressing as,

Julia

[Kadensnga]

I must agree with my aloof friend here...(yoo hoo~)

Be like a child...dont worry about being a superhero unless it's fun...no obligatory energy, no oweing God's mission the benefit of your super powers...

Use them to make sure he has a fascinating experience being "you"... Today I am happy... I live in a childs world, surrounded by toys with Alice in wonderland playing in the back ground... it's amazing. No mission, no "need" to be here or complete anything... just a 'wanting" to participate with my children...

It's a special sunday afternoon indeed. Make it special `see the special~ness, be the one who makes it special~ That's magic... making the ordinary extraordinary... thats special spiritual power ~ getting the very most out of this moment called "now".

EDIT: Correction spiritual power is "seeing" the extraordinary in the ordinary.

My most special power is awareness...of the "eternalnow" and fascination of observing synchronicity.

No stopping the human natural aging process, or jumping tall buildings in a single bound...this world that we chose to participate in isnt built that way... our power is "perception"...

The greatest thing we can do for God is "be a child".

Great Love to you Friends...I am always filled with joy at Julia's expressions...

You will love her Saint Soldier.

Namaste

Grandfather of the "Adonis"  who says he's not a monkey but a "guerilla-tang", and the little "Rock n Roll poet" who has watched the sandlot over 100 times and counting, and has learned from the gang to always lift his front leg, wind up his arm before throwing a ball... or else it dont count!

Be IN~Joy My friend,

[SaintSoldier]

Julia, your thoughts of surrender are exactly what I am struggling with right now. I have heard a call, and it comes to me every day. I can't ignore it because it never stops. I had not thought about it like that; you are very right about the gravitation of dark to light and vice versa. I was drawn to evil because I sought to be good. I made a Big mistake and now I have to live with knowledge of the existence of the evil. I have felt good, done good, and received good in turn but I have only seen the darkest. There is much that has humbled me so far in this search, but I cannot ignore the elation I feel when I make myself a slave of the good intent.

Kaden, that is the same thing I learned from my exploitation of brain chemistry, the beauty in the normal things that occur every day, viewing the world from the eyes of a child, seeing the miracle of electronegativity working the way it does so as to create an environment suitable for matter to spin keeping us in orbit. A modern artist said that in order to become a master of his art, he had to grow up and learn the conventions, only to purposefully disregard them to draw like a child. That is in essence where I see things/Know things from observing what happens to my body or to my surroundings. I know that spiritual power is the same power that causes our cells to be able to synthesize energy the way they do, that neurons creating action potentials is where it could be possible for electrons to work their mysteries, but what I'm Really struggling with is how to develop my body that has been given to me by circumstance and probability.

I don't have any other ideas other than meditation, keeping a dream journal, and taking drugs, as it seems that all the reading I've done like Crowley, is very very involved in christian themes that are only one part of the story. Some books by buddhist monks have given me ample direction, but they all say that there is no replacement for a good teacher. There are no Shamans that I've seen that do what I do or can understand what I see. This is a Search of sorts, methinks.

[Kadensnga]

Saint Soldier,

I like like you. I can tell by your language that you have devoted yourselfto spiritual development to a high degree. Allow me to ponder your essence, and tune into the frequency  of your vibration a bit more to better understand you and give a more appropriate answer.

Vibing with you bigtime. I understand that like the apostle Paul you have physical afflictions that wont seem to go away, and also Gifts of the spirit that you do not understand or know what to do with. We are like Gods. When we create something it is created... it is complete and done amen.

Sometimes we create things that can be turned around or contain loopholes, and other times we create things that by their nature cannot be turned around only embraced, accepted and dealt with... except by some rare "miracle" (for lack of a better word. The occurances of these miracles are about 1 in 10 million... so even with all the people running around calling themselves guru's the stats arent too good on those kinds of things, however possible.

Much of your spiritual insight is from evolving to the place of "awareness", seeing things that others do not see is due to your ability to "recieve" from the universe. We can only recieve what we can conceive... it is a gift of walking in spirit... you see and understand things that the carnel mind does not understand...you pick up on things that are going on around all of us, at all times...

Yet the mortal selves are not aware.

So I would say the extra sensory gifts come from the sowing of many great seeds along your path to a higher awareness opf the God self.

Just live streaming from the deep cockles of me gullet there fer ya matey.

Great Love,
K

PS. Fear and confusion come from scattered focus... diffused energy that has lost its density and is not recognizable. Focus on thoughts of what you want to accomplish, things that bring you joy...you cant stop scattering your thoughts, you can only start focusing them.

[zensunni7]

I walked upon religions pathway and returned on sciences sky ways. Who was it that said work within light requires the pain of stumbling in the dark? I do not know.
Are not the skills of Self-discipline the art of seeing in darkness. So where does the light not shine?

The pain returns, because it is always there  - there are billions exuding such energy's into the manifestation - every nano-second. It creates as well as LOA, because it is LOA working.
But the Self-discipline is a covenant between you and your Source, you and your atoms, cells, and particles.
Pain never returns - for it does not flow - it paralyzes. One can only invite it in the door of Self.

[Mina-Laura]

Dear SaintSoldier,


I would stay away from Alistair Crowley and drugs. Both represent un-earned Light.
Drugs I say forever. Alistair ... you are not strong enough right now to fully grasp the dimensional rift he was in.

The pain you are experiencing is trying to teach you something, however you are not allowing for that. You cannot do that because at this point you feel, and you are alone.
All you need to know for now is that there is nothing above God and its power, and in anything that stands alongside to help and protect. When you realise this you KNOW that you are not alone anymore.

There are many teachers out there for you, and they are more present than you may think. As a matter of fact they are right there with you, here and everywhere. You just... it didn't occur for you where to look because when you touched the darkness it act like a blindfold. You may think this is bad. It is not. It is good news indeed because the greater the darkness you know the greater the light you shall see.

First let's start with your healing:

Here is a list of some great teachers for you - to start with:
1. Emmet Fox - I highly recommend "Power through constructive thinking" - he has transitioned from this plane. And here is a website
http://emmetfox.wwwhubs.com/
And here is the essence of his work, the famous metaphysical The Golden Key: http://emmetfox.wwwhubs.com/foxspks.htm

2. I would read Eckhard Tolle - for some reason you remind me a LOT of him. This will speak to you: "The Power of Now". And if you google his name you will find a lot of Google videos.

3. Gregg Braden, I especially recommend " The Spontaneous Healing of Belief" and "Secrets of the Lost Mode of Prayer" http://www.greggbraden.com/books_audios_videos/

3. A course in Miracles: http://www.acim.org/index.html   you can do the daily online lessons. One per day, for one year.

I think that would do for now. However if you want healing you must follow through. And this is just the beginning. With time you may be perhaps open to the science on how all this works.

When you feel not well listen to this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_J0PTCs0wlY  as many times as you can - usually after the 3rd time you will see on how you calm down progressively. Use headphones.

Another word. "Resistance is futile". Meaning the more you resist to.. temptation the stronger it becomes. That needs to be understood for what it is and reintegrated into your being. Okay about drugs I understand .. the safety factor and the fact that using them it takes away the essence of who you are - look at it like a lapse in time. You come here on this plane to learns some lessons, and for this you need yourself fully aware. As you postpone your real wake times ...as you delay and use up your essential time you have got in this lifetime.
Celibate? why? Of course if it's just carnal sex and not lovemaking done in the way that is earth shaterring then of course such activity will keep and expand the darkness. It is the amnesia of the beast inside of us. The call of primeval hormones. However if you have a real love object that makes the hair on your skin stand up and the curents of force running on your skin at that person sight... that is special.

hope this helps - let me know from time to time how it goes. Again, you have to go at it like a very good student.

Namaste and may Love envelop you in its arms.

[juliainkc]

Hi SaintSoldier,

Julia, your thoughts of surrender are exactly what I am struggling with right now. I have heard a call, and it comes to me every day. I can't ignore it because it never stops. I had not thought about it like that; you are very right about the gravitation of dark to light and vice versa. I was drawn to evil because I sought to be good. I made a Big mistake and now I have to live with knowledge of the existence of the evil. I have felt good, done good, and received good in turn but I have only seen the darkest. There is much that has humbled me so far in this search, but I cannot ignore the elation I feel when I make myself a slave of the good intent.

I don't have any other ideas other than meditation, keeping a dream journal, and taking drugs, as it seems that all the reading I've done like Crowley, is very very involved in christian themes that are only one part of the story. Some books by buddhist monks have given me ample direction, but they all say that there is no replacement for a good teacher. There are no Shamans that I've seen that do what I do or can understand what I see. This is a Search of sorts, methinks.

I appreciate your response truly. Yes, the idea of surrendering is what seems to be creating the struggle in you right now. I am only sharing here with you that this comes from deeply rooted thoughts of distrust and the struggle or fighting is fear based, usually coming from ones idea of what their deepest idea of  'God' or Source of Life is, ones Life Support, as in questioning whether or not God or Source in you is really trustworthy and even real for that matter. Like, what am I surrendering to after what I've seen? The 'UnKnown' at this point can seem uncomfortable. This is very 'normal' when one begins to shift in their perception from fear based reality to Love. Truly. You chose to look into 'other' ways and have the ability to see things many have not chosen to see.

I will share that the Voice for God is deeply peaceful, edifying and does not condemn, tear down nor confuse. At first we do not always trust this peace because we have spent so much of our life living from fear and guilt that leads to this confusion. We All have a Holy Teacher within, we are Divine Sparks of the One Source of Love. We just have 'learned' to ignore IT. And we pay far more attention to what we see going on 'outside' of our Inside Self and this is due to focusing on fear within us, outside the Inner Chambers, we give it more power the more we 'think' about this. It is very difficult to realize how powerful our minds are. In your quest to learn about evil in comparison to what you held in your mind as good, you allowed your personal identified self to take charge and are now being inundated by what you created in your mind to see. These types of things are based on the energy of fear. And all fear is about separation in some way or form. Any idea or thought that separates you from good or God is a lie.

God is Love, and does not see any separation at all. Everywhere Present. We are the ones that choose to see separation.

The elation you feel is what may be hindering you I sense.  Peace is beyond what is known as bliss. What I am sharing here is that the way you describe this, sounds like another form of addiction. And searching has the ability to fall under this category as well. Your fear and confusion seems to be attached to your Life Veins wrapping themself around and feeding off your Life Force Energy. Weakening you.

God is not the Author of confusion and has not given us the Spirit of fear, but of Love, Power, and a Sound Mind.  Knowing and trusting this by focusing on these thoughts will clarify whom's voice you are hearing and paying the most attention to. Awareness is becoming aware of whom is speaking and which Voice you choose to listen to truly. And we can surround our Self with Loves Radiance by getting in touch with IT from within, it permeates from the center of our Being. Not in the worldly sense or idea of Love, as in on or off love. Love is our Power and darkness does not comprehend this at all. In fact darkness is ignorant of Love and is repelled by IT, the Highest Vibration is Love Energy. We have removed ourSelf so far from our Self. We have forgotten whom we are.

I know this may sound like a strange question, but what type of things do you surround yourself with? What kind of movies do you watch and music do you listen to?  What are you filling your mind with daily? I see that you have delved into Alistair Crowley (fear based energy) ... We say we believe everything is energy and it is, yet we sometimes tend to overlook things of this nature. Perhaps removing all these things from your space as a beginning of a clearing of the energies and bringing in things that move your Heart not your Solar Plexus will begin to shift the patterns.

Invite your Holy Teacher in you to show you what touches your Heart with deep peace. To show you that Trust in the Source of All Life is Reality by allowing The Source to reveal ITSelf in you and not to focus on your doubts, fear and confusion.  Ask for your Peace, the truth of your Divine Knowing to be restored in your Heart and Mind as a Rightful Heir. You will feel the Joy of Peace. Loves Presence In you.

I will share with you that Music that is of a 'worshipful' kind has a clearing Energy. Find music that touches your Heart and soothes your Soul and makes you soften. This may sound strange yet again, this will allow you to focus on Love and Love is Light. While I InJoy rockin' music myself at times, I am speaking more of Loves Sound and Vibrational Energy music here. Especially before going to sleep.

I agree with John about focus. Scattered thoughts, God is Good Orderly Direction, and Laura's references are wonderful here as well.

Forgive the flow, yet one more thing here is, that you share you made a big mistake and now must live with the knowledge of good and evil. Honestly, this is what many read into the Garden of Eden story. If you really believe this and this is a choice you have made, then perhaps you would do well to apologize to your Self for doing this and accept forgiveness for your Self. Forgiveness is removing the imagined walls or doors shut to our God Presence, Loves Presence. I sense in many as I have sensed in myself at certain points, that our greatest fear, is that we are indeed God and our unwillingness to admit this to our Self is what keeps us bound in our guilt and fear and ongoing confusion and in 'need' of a Saviour. We struggle and battle with our right to argue and defend our position of 'sinner' not 'Saint'.

You have the Power already in you to choose as you did originally here, and it sounds like you are being called to remember... you can choose again...

Much Love SaintSoldier, Be Well,

Love in Spirit,

Julia




















 

[SaintSoldier]

I hope you all will forgive me my doubt, but I have pursued what I feel as a scientist, doubting everything until proof and merit can be awarded to an idea or occurrence. Usually it doesn't work like that though and I understand if none can be given. As I said, Crowley isn't too much for me to handle, its just too little of the picture I'm trying to look for. I am not full of myself, but I know I have seen many more worlds than he could possibly have written about. He only talks of what I already believe and understand. Nothing for me to go upon. Empty rituals that do nothing more that I can do with just a single word and thought. I don't understand how to use the sight I've been given, I only feel pain around those who are hurting, I see bright lights around those who see bright lights, I feel electric current through other people, strong emotions. I have No idea how to train this nor why I was given it unless the religious path that I was put on from the beginning of my life was really what I chose to be born to. I am muddled. Very muddled. But that is only because I still can't believe in the things that I see in that no one else sees or feels the 'stimulus' that I manage to conjure out of my creativity. I felt the pain of a man being arrested spread eagle on his car before I saw him, and made multiple comments before anyone in the moving car could have even known someone was in pain. I want this to be my gift for a reason, and I look to god and where I come from, but there is nothing around me but that which I choose to aknowledge, so why can't i acknowledge insanity as reality just the same? How do I tell the difference between that which I create and that which I feel/interpret from my surroundings? Could they be the same thing? Is that what makes my feelings mine alone? Sometimes I act as a conduit for others to use these abilities as well. Or it could also be that my insanity is logically based and it can be spread to others without words via my neurons firing in waves that cause other's to inadvertently fire the same way? So much I do not understand about something happening to My body that I cannot legitimize using Any of the tools others before me have used to write the textbooks I learn from. I just want to know what it is I am doing and if it I have a right to say that I want to be for good. How do I even Know what is good? There are many many humans; how do we know that angels havent been given free range to slowly thin our numbers, acting as demons from our perspective? Is respecting love and life really what it means to be good in society today? What if it is really gods will that showing the ultimate form of love of him is to break this reality and go back to nothing?

I surround myself with lessons. I live my life to learn from things around me. I was a lazy bum, still am, but am trying my hardest to be something of purpose. I take things apart to examine how they work. A majority of my day is surrounded by loud music of strong emotional content and great artistic prowess, usually with lots of bass. As a child I was a hymn singer. I still retain the vocal chords of a beast but I find myself with artists block after recent events. I understand the power of sound waves much like those of all other forms of matter and existence. TV makes me sick as of late, and movies can sometimes be very emotionally powerful as an art form, but much of that has been lost today. My life is very easy, but I want to make it hard. I want to evolve. To become a better human, to go beyond what humans can do. That is my aspiration, to be the best part of god that I can be. I hope that answers the questions about my point of view. 

I have attempted astral projection (what I believe to be the absolute loss of self for perception's sake) and have found myself completely grounded in my body. I usually get the feeling that it's for my own protection. How else am I supposed to use my gift if not like that? So many questions that I pray for answers all the time, but all my prayers seem to do for me is increase the number of neurons communicating in my head. Sometimes I can pray hard enough that people notice the changes in the air. Is this the beginnings of another gift or just another limit? Thank you all for your Genuine replies...

I'll be doing some of those readings that were recommended as well.

[Talker]

Hello SaintSoldier and All Sharing Souls,

You've received a ream of varied and useful information here.
Lets see where this winds up.

You are like a Turbo system in an automobile. Long fast operation in Turbo mode develops extremely 'hot' areas, and requires a minute or so of 'idling' BEFORE shutting off the engine. Otherwise the Turbo system will peter our long before the average life span of the system is reached.

So, from your words, you are running at long and high speeds, 'IN' an equivalent Turbo mode. But you aren't shutting down, as I read it. So like any hard used Turbo system, you will burn out, not maybe, you will. You need a modified 'dead mans' switch, to 'Idle and cool down before turn-off' of your 'active' but some what undesired  'full Turbo mode'. A super active mind along the lines of your descriptions, is fine, but a need of rest is required periodically.
So make a 'modified 'dead mans switch'. (check out the links shown)

Now, you may not want to believe it, but use of substances like you have described, take their toll. The longer used, the more serious the effects.
Pardon if what I say rubs against the grain. Not my intention to judge, but how else to answer the questions! With the  'vivid imagination' you claim, why in the world would you even want to use psychedelics drugs, that enhance that vivid imagination! Action of that sort is outside the range of 'normal insanity' as I term it.
Clairvoyant tendencies are wonderful to have, but if the psychedelics drugs used are the source of it, you are playing with a double edged sword of destruction.
Now I again need to mention, no intention to cause 'hurt feelings', yet I see a sort of fabricated story here. If I'm wrong, I apologize. If you are truthful, you are one mixed up person. That said, you need 'focus', as some of what you say, are 'gifts' that can be highly beneficial, if properly channeled. Why doubt your own experiences, just focus on the refining aspect, without the side effects of psychedelics.
Again from your own description of undesired aspects, in life and dreams, are all embedded energies, that ones subconscious weaves into a semi-coherent dream, and/or, also reflects into the outer world activities.
Ones inner demons, as you state, are basically embedded energies that arrived from many sources. Will take 'work' to address them all, but do so 'step by step' and one at a time. The forum here has posts, regards EFT, and other methods that would be a good starting point. Refocus or control your thoughts, with 'relaxing music,' nature walks, do one minute meditations, dozens of time a day.  
Plainly, screw trying to discipline your self, as that only increases the pressure. Relax and find more pleasant  outlets, as hobbies or music, or rebuilding Turbos.
(Had to slip that last in.)
Celibate and sober seems rather harsh, what I would venture to believe, is, the creative urge, is screaming for meaningful expression and release, and no, it's not all about physical sex.
So you want a 'super guru teacher', that could pass on the goodies, right! Well, good luck, and success, but it will be a long search. You already have all you need to do your own starting from right where you are NOW. Watch kids at play. Observe cats on how they handle the events encountered. Watch the flying birds. Sit and observe the clouds. Sit outside and do absolutely 'nothing' but look, and observe without evaluating anything.
If you can 'see' beauty in the flower, and laughter of people, kids playing in the mud, folks idly walking and holding hands, you are an 'enlightened being. Don't make it complex.

Pain and suffering is all around us, same as joy and sheer pleasure. So do some flip flops with the coin of observance, to actually see the nice side of life.  Easy, not always so, but definitely doable. All at once, give me a break. One at a time, AH, that is highly doable.

Your not alone in what you are experiencing, maybe not as severe, yet each and every one of us, yo-yo's in and out of like situations, and then refocus on the brighter side of life, that leads to improved circumstances.

Take a look at your beliefs, ask the higher energies, like Source, for guidance.
Most important, is to 'stop and listen' for a gentle whisper of an answer.
Been there, did that, and recognizing that every step of betterment, is a step forward.
Love and success on your journey.
Be Well

http://thetalker.org/archives/146/5-conversations-with-me/

http://thetalker.org/archives/145/4-mind-and-body-training-control/

http://thetalker.org/archives/228/19-the-pit-in-the-cherry-and-the-guitar/

[juliainkc]

Dearest SaintSoldier,

I genuinely love Talker. Why? Well, there are too many 'reasons' to count the ways of why here ... However, I will pare it all down to this ...

He is honest, Childlike, a 'youthful Spirit with an Old Soul' aka a Manchild. You are not giving us the 'whole' enchilada here and I vibe deeply with this. This means, you are not Being honest with us? No. With your Self. Truth. Namaste` Talker for popping the cork off the champagne.   I'll have a little taste and only enough to do the honors. No more thank you. It is Enough.

You are new to this forums and are warmly welcomed here. And you have yet to read through all the thoughts expressed by the ones whom ventured to commune with you. Understood. Does not matter really. All that matters is Now.

These abilities and gifts mean nothing really. What!?!? Yes. I said this. Because I am viewing in your open writing out here, your Universal journaling the 'fruits' of your having these abilities ... and pain and misery and suffering is what you Identify with ... this reveals more than you currently know and are seeing... I am not saying this to be arrogant...

Many misunderstand the as within so without idea. Oh, if 'you' see this in me then it is something being revealed in you. Yes, and No. Only if you are entangled in the emotion or emotions of what is being seen and felt ... and I shared this in the Relationships thread in regards to my outer relationship with my brother...

I feel no emotions here. I see a mortal self whom is desperately desiring to experience a relationship with the Source of Life. Truth. I say this with compassion truly.

All I will say here to you is this, you have yet to reconcile your relationship with the Source of All Life and Living ...

And I will keep it this way, short and sweet. Because this I see in many whom come in here and 'try' to science this idea, intellectualize this.

No can do. You either know IT or you don't ... and that is all that keeps you from Knowing IT. Truth. Awakening is to Know without a doubt and feel Love and Life flowing, permeating, Being All Knowing, All Seeing, Ever Present and Seeing? Only Life and Love ~ Feel IT ~ and you will FEEL IT ~ pain, suffering, misery? Your idea of 'God' ... truth ~

Much much Love SaintSoldier, you are making this too much 'work' ...

Love in Spirit,

Julia  

[Mina-Laura]

I genuinely love Talker.

Totally with you on this one!!

[Kadensnga]

OH MY GOD!

Julia, I wrote a LOOOOOOOONG response to this last night... took 2 hours on it... then I deleted it because I thought it was too harsh.

Not to add to your waaayyy sufficient post I would say this:

Saint Soldier...

If you seek validation of your specialness in the kingdom of God....the easiest way to do it is by placing your "self" next to others and witnessing the polarity. The differences become obvious, and your specialness is easy to see...the ways you are different... your uniquesness... dont search for the contrast...just look around and see it.

He who has ears let him hear.

Namaste,

"K" diddle diddle, the cat smashed the fiddle then got mooned by a cow that was literally jumping over the moon...then the cat thought to himself..."Who see's that...? What an amazing thing to witness" and was riddled with fascination...and the cats inward God looked upon his work and said "this is good".

[Leila]

I genuinely love Talker.

Totally with you on this one!!

May I join this Blessed team, Beloved Sisters? 

[Leila]

Beloved Brother John, 

I can testify for your 2/3 page post....sorry had no time to read it all until it "disapperared"...

Especially liked the ending, that about "if anybody thinks this post is too long, it's OK, I wrote it for SaintSoldier"...

Much Love to you and our Twin Sister Julia!

Leila