Hello DH,
The death event experience, is quite personal for all involved. Emotions are wide and varied. Sorrow, bitterness, joy, relief, emptiness, anger, bone to pick with God, and guilt, being some of the emotions one can feel.
This may not sound right, but I find there are subtle variances in emotions, depending on 'who passed' on. While I don't look forward to experiencing a wife passing away, am sure the emotions will be different, than those experienced (for instance) with my son's passing. We each grieve in a manner relative to our beliefs and relationship with the one that has passed on. Yes, there may be common threads involved with every one experiencing the event, but with a special uniqueness, with beliefs and relationships manifesting for each. There can even be unwarranted guilt thoughts. Many thoughts surface during those moments. Memories will and do surface leading to tears welling up. The sharp hurt of grief gradually diminishes to hurt, and on into sweet sorrow depending on the many variables.
I wrote letters to my son:
http://thetalker.org/archives/255/8-a-letter-to-mike/http://thetalker.org/archives/195/22-oh-that-angel/http://thetalker.org/archives/196/23-the-angel-of-deaths-visit/..........................................
(and).....................................
June 12, 2007
In a dream, I heard my son Michael speaking to God, here is the way it went: God was weeping and Michael questioned "why do you weep God". In a sad voice, God spoke these words. "You my son Michael, I do envy. You have experienced that which I created for my Creations. You have tasted love, loss, friendship, love of family. You had lived the sunrise and sunset. You have tasted that heat and cold of seasons. You have listened to the sweetness of songbirds. You have experienced the joy and sorrow of life. You have experienced the sweetness of your creation, as I am unable to. I weep that not all of my creation has honored that which I had set for them. You Michael, have accepted my Gifts and experienced fully that which I set out for you. I am pleased that you have. You have done that, which I cannot, for I can only "see it", yet not live it as you have. My Spirit can only weep with joyous anticipation until you come home to me, so that I can also fully feel, that which you had received and experienced while on earth. Hearing those words Michael wept and said "God, I thank you for all that I have experienced, and wish to console and comfort you, wait a while, if you will, and as difficult as it will be, I need to prepare my loved ones for my passing, and I will come home to you. We will share all that I have received while here on earth, we can laugh and happily cry as I tell you all about it. I know that all my family, my loved one and friends will understand."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Perfect solution or answers, no, but the sting did diminish to sweet sorrow. Much left out in the telling, regrds Source, but for now, Love.
( one persons thoughts Shown here are words that another wrote, about the hurt involved.)
"Loved Ones Death
When I first get the news that someone I love and care deeply about has died my heart just stops. I completely go into a different state of mind. I am in shock and what usually follows is disbelief and blood pressure skyrockets. I usually do not cry right away because I try sort things out in my head. Its kind of weird in a way because when I do cry its just happens without warning. I could be driving and a stop light and then I think of my loved one and just start crying. It might just be for a few seconds but I am crying. You can try to hold it in but if you really truly love someone that's just not possible.
Everybody has there own method of coming to terms with their loved ones death. There is not a wrong way and how you do it will come naturally. Some people cry instantly some hold it in, while others pretend that it never really happen and get upset when you even talk about it. I sure you have seen hundreds of other ways people deal with their loved ones deaths.
If you have trouble dealing with your loved one's death its some times good to hand out with mutual friends and talked about your loved one or friend. Sometimes being alone is OK but being with others who loved them makes everything a whole lot better. I myself seem to prefer being alone and I am amazed by some of my friends and relatives who seem to handle the death way better than I can.
The thing to remember about death is it going to happen to all of us and how we deal with it changes as time goes on. I know now that I am older I not as scared of dying but one scared about the ones that I will leave behind. I know that we do not know when are time will come but it will come and what we do here in life it just a blink of an eye in terms of how long the universe has been around."
(loss of a parent)
Ten Steps to Grieving the Loss of a Parent
by: Alexandra Kennedy
The death of a parent is a life-shaking event for which few are prepared. This experience can wound us deeply, leaving lifetime scars. Or it can, if grieved fully, initiate profound, unprecedented change and open our world into new perspectives and choices. The following steps to grieving the loss of a parent (whether recently or in the past) will tap this transformative potential.
Acknowledge the importance and power of this event. The death of a parent shakes the very foundation of our lives. It is natural, though often uncomfortable, to feel raw and vulnerable, alone, out of control. Rather than resisting the powerful forces activated in grief, learn strategies for moving through it, stage by stage, day by day.
Take time each day to honor your grief. Set up a sanctuary in your home or in nature, a protected place where you can open fully to your grief for ten to twenty minutes every day. Using the sanctuary, gradually you will find a rhythm of entering the grief for a period each day, then letting it go and attending to daily tasks.
Address any unfinished business with your parent. It is very common for unresolved feelings toward your parent to surface after his or her death. The grieving period is an important time to heal these old wounds and begin to say good-bye.
Participate in creating new family patterns. The family system is often thrown into chaos and upheaval after a parent's death. Old patterns don't work with the same predictable results. The family may thrash around for months, seeking a new balance with one another. This is a brief window of opportunity, when the family is opened up to change before a new system is established. You can either be thrown into this new system or consciously participate in creating new patterns that are healthy for you.
Explore the direction and quality of your life. The death of a parent often initiates a period of painful questioning: Where am I going in my life? What do I really value? What are my beliefs? Does my life really matter? This questioning is a critical part of the grieving process. Out of it will come new perspectives, directions and choices.
Don't pressure yourself to "get back to normal". Many expect that grief will be over in a few weeks or months. Grief has its own rhythm, nature and timing that resist our attempts to control it. For some, though certainly not all, there is a marked shift around the first anniversary of your parent's death. However, as the years pass, the grief may well up from time to time. Each time it surfaces, see it as an opportunity for more healing.
Learn to parent yourself. Give yourself nurturance, love, protection and encouragement. Clarify the expectations you had of your parent that he or she never could fulfill. In seeing the relationship for what it was rather than what you wanted it to be, you can grieve what your parent didn't give you and begin to appreciate what he or she did give you.
Let your friends know what you want and need from them. Offer them some suggestions of ways that they can help and support you-- perhaps bringing you a meal, doing some errands, giving you a back rub, taking a walk with you, checking in on you regularly. Assert that your need to withdraw. Let him or her know about anything that he or she is doing that is not supportive. Encourage your friends to educate themselves about grief so that they will know what to expect. Remind them that grief takes a long time to heal.
Each year acknowledge the anniversary of your parent's death. Take time to reflect and do something special to commemorate that date. Be gentle with yourself, as this is a vulnerable time in which many may feel depressed or emotional.
Celebrate the changes and new perspectives. These will begin to manifest in your life as you move out of the dark middle phase of grief. When you feel ready, act on new ideas, inspirations and insights.
Dilber MC Theme by HarzeM