Being pressed by Christians

I feel growing pains...

It has been difficult to finish sharing the story above, for what reason I do not know... somehow the vibration shifted somewhere in the middle, to a place where I began to feel discomfort, and I do not know where that place came in.

Somewhere in all of that above, there came a war between the flesh and the eternal spirit, and I began to sense a "lack" of harmony. How could this occur? Why? John, have you come all this way only to get choked up? Somewhere the "flow" became an effort, as opposed to the natural flow to which I have become accustom in recent years...

Perhaps that is because the nature of the writing is in the past, reconnecting with the lost person? Is that the reason for the rift in the vibration? Is that the reason for the "jerk" in the perfect flow?

I am surprised at myself that I can still be choked up, and paralyzed in such a manner. I had to back off of my writing. This is what OUR is about I believe, growing through all these things. Lifting all of these veils that blind us to the truth...

I think perhaps my desire is to be in the now, and maybe when we proclaim and announce we inhibit the flow. Such an announcement as "I'm going to tell my life story naked in front of the world". The first thought is "we need a plan" to tell this efficiently... then the natural flow stops as we plan...

I have spent a lifetime of obliging myself to "plans", and now I wish to "flow"... so indeed, this story will come out, but not outside of the flowing... discomfort occurs when the "flowing" becomes "planning".

Why the discomfort, what is the lesson here?

I have embraced a belief that says (contrary to the belief in "positive affirmations" which was an exercise in my earlier days of seeking truth") that:

"We announce only what we fail to realize"... I remember learning this truth...teaching it to my daughter. She embraced it so much that it's her "quote" on myspace.

Now when I announce something like "I'm going to tell my life story", as opposed to just flowing into it... there's something about the announcement of anything that goes against my spiritual grain on some level. I dont know why, it is just something that has stuck with me.

From time to time I catch myself "announcing" anyway. I suppose I feel it's the opposite of being present in the "now", and just flowing in spirit freely.

We will finish this life story, there's no reason not to, however I feel stuck at the moment for reasons I cannot find labels for. A groaning from within that I cannot define.

However, while we are on the subject let me share with you another enlightenment;

Announcing creates "obligatory energy", you have stopped flowing in the moment and "obliged yourself" with your words. This is so interesting you will see:

I have come to a place in my journey where I wish to only go to bed when my body is tired, and only wake up when it wants to awaken, and to only eat when I am hungry, and lay aside all expectations and just "flow" in the now... I am slowly coming to a place where I have no regard for time.

No regard for time...

In business, I have wound down my activities to only activities I can do whenever I feel like it. Yet sometimes I still repeat the past mistake of "committing" where it is not necessary. I did this last week, and my vibration went crazy... my inward self said "What did you do, you ruined our perfect flowing place we have worked so hard for by making a commitment, and creating accountability for yourself, now you have to answer to someone for your word... why don't you just give this person a refund, and free yourself from the hand of the fowler...only flow, do not bog your self down with accountability and commitments... stay in the now".

When we commit to things in advance it seems to me at this juncture of growth, that we cease to flow in the "now"...

I am "now" (at this moment) flowing in the "now" and it feels right to me, however I also desire to share with you my story in a more flowing way".

I am only guessing. I truly don't know where or why it happenned, but the vibrationally smooth flow that is like a stream of fresh life giving water bubbling along...peaceful, serene... my "flow" somehow jammed up in the process of moving into this thread and the story...

Prophesying, and announcing...sending positive affirmations forth verbally...statements of granduer which I sometimes still make... these were all elementary parts of my journey toward truth, but they seem uneccessary now... it seems that to announce or as some call "prophesy" the act before the act itself... seems like something to me at this time which is "second grade"... no need to do that anymore. Exist in the now...

I undoubtedly will come to terms with whatevers caused the rift in the vibration, however I shall only flow henceforth with no preconcieved thought... it is my desire to live without resistance...with out the "jerk" in the rope that says, as you are freely flowing along "JERK!" :"you are supposed to do this"....

Well the inward man says... Haven't I told told you that I am not supposed to do ANYTHING?

I have mentioned to you Julia that I am on the fennce in some areas. my soul wants to teeter completely into the sea of "now"... so I am experiencing funny growth pains...

Have you ever experienced anything like what I am speaking to you here?

Can you relate in anyway to these words?

I will continue the story of "kadensnga" in the projections -child care thread where it it is more harmoniuous with the subject vibe of that thread, when the spirit is flowing naturally, you and Darrel will inspire the rest of to come out.

I am guessing it's the announcing thing, however, it may be something else that has stopped me in my tracks on this one that I have yet to identify...?

Perhaps also, I think the idea of telling you of my ego's journey... (the music business was an "ego" journey...which lead to deeper enlightenment... yet, I detest the amount of ego these days that came along with that journey, somehow even recollecting at all brings about a bad taste... don't know why?)

Anyway, somewhere inside I wonder if the ego wants to express, and that truly the story would be of no benefit to anyones growth?

Great Love to you my friend.

I will look forward to your thoughts with great anticipation.

You have relieved me of the need to express through the alter ego kadensnga, through your warm expression, and so I say to you Namaste from,

John

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