Good Morning Carolyn,
Thank you for your loving thoughts, it is Talker's and my pleasure to help in anyway we can.
I had a recent integration of information and energy too. So, it must be occuring in the Universe right now with many others.
This was while I was in a relaxed early morning lost in reverie way ~ and it left me with a deeper sense of contentment that all is well and always has been. It takes years for some to grow out of what happened and it is growing through it that resolves it I find.
I understand about seeing into our formative years. I see in the spiritual arena that many are afraid to admit that they had unloving and uncaring environments as a child. For myself this realization is what allowed me to accept it for what it was. I had spent years trying to make it otherwise and it wasn't working. My idea of a loving point of view was that it did not happen because I was wrong in the way I was seeing it and this created a huge wrestling match inside. So, when I accepted it to be what it clearly was, the feelings were now allowed to rise without argument and as they left, a deeper sense of peace stepped in.
Knowing a bit of my parents background helped me to understand them and while I did not agree with the way they did many things, in this place of acceptance, I was able to see the things that were worth keeping. A take what speaks to you and leave the rest idea. While I cannot change what happened, I am free to follow what brings me peace now without asking to be vindicated for the harm done. I realize that people reveal their fear of one who is or may seem different from the family. And in their fear they tried to reform me so I would not experience what they had, and all they knew how to do was what was done to them. This can be a deeper looking into the generational patterns and dysfunctions passed down in every family. It took me years to reach this place.
And this love that loves us through our pain becomes self evident as having been present through it all the more I have let go of others behaviors and implanted thoughts and focused on mine. It was my wanting to be disassociated with ones who caused so much pain and not wanting to be anything like them that created my push and pulls for a good portion of my life. I was doing it for the 'wrong' reasons. To be right or righted and I was the only one that could make it right within by inviting a Greater One to show me the bigger picture. Step by step, according to what I could handle at the time.
My awareness of this Presence has grown the more my focus has been removed from the emotions that were attached to the memory. The way I feel now is very different because coming to this place, has given me back the ownership of my life. And sometimes it takes removing all and anything that blocks this view yet, I have found, I haven't 'lost' anything and for me that was the point.
I have myself now. Many tend to have the idea that it is wrong to love oneself. I once did too as this was ingrained to always put others before yourself. And yet, what happened is that these ones who said it were putting themselves first too... leaving me with alot less of me to be me.
It took examining the triggers and traps and learning how to undo them that has set me free. And this has allowed me to see that the best gift we can ever give, is in being ourself genuinely, with no ulterior motives, disguises, or deceptions.
Giving to another I have found is revealed by one's intention. Many give with expectations of getting something back.
I look more closely now when one is offering to help me now by observing the actions that follow. And many times, it is more of a bargaining going on as in lender and borrower and not so much a genuinely intended gift.
Yes, I have looked deep into my own heart as well. And my mother who had some pearls of wisdom said to me, 'Many people look for love and talk about love being about good sex and having fun, but I have come to understand that love is about caring about another, the small things.'
This coming from my mother obviously made an impression upon me because I realize now, that she had come to her own realizations about her life and passed this onto me before she went on through. She had always been very uncaring and cold. Her last year with me, she said more things to me unlike she was my entire life that blessed me.
Sometimes, it just takes time for people to change I have found for myself and others.
Caring for another comes from caring genuinely in yourself about yourself and then extending this attribute to others.
This is what flowed Carolyn, I don't question it any more, I just fllow with it.
Silence is golden in moments when ones are sharing their most intimate fears, hurts and desires. I have found that there is a huge difference in being Silent and giving the silent treatment and that many do not know the difference between them.
When I have been in Silence, there is a sound to it. Love always responds in Silence. You can feel it like a warm velvet cloak wrapped all around you while you heal.
I appreciate you Carolyn because of your beautiful and gentle spirit that is willing to commune with me on these matters.
Many Blessings on the way ~
Namasté InLove's Peace and Grace,
Julia
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